Dallas Summer Olympics Report

Lots of gymnastics bets being taken at the Celeste home right now. In a huge upset, Elizabeth “Spider Monkey” Lavin beat Tim Rogers in the main event of the evening, the crowd-pleasing, ratings-grabbing “Who Can Walk Farther On Hands” event. (In a sudden death, one-time final, she took two steps, he took one and fell onto his belly.) Afterward, he bested Lavin in the “Who Can Do More Chin-Ups” competition, 4-2. (He then lost $20 to yours truly, by stupidly betting I couldn’t do eight chin-ups. Horrible bet. Have you seen how ripped I am? Seriously.) The injury you see here was the result of his first hands walk, in which he dismounted onto my dining chairs. I know it looks like he has two knees, but that bump is in the middle of his shin. And getting bigger. Next up: uneven barstools.


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28 responses to “Dallas Summer Olympics Report”

  1. Eric Celeste says:

    Update: You’re not going to believe this, but it keeps … getting … bigger. BTW: Wick, when you ask for posts at all hours, this is what you get. This and increased insurance rates for staff.

  2. MIssing Dots says:

    He should put a bandage over that tattoo.

  3. amanda says:

    The bravery and dedication of Team DM inspires me. You have to ice a blunt force injury silly rabbit.

    My only question is can we expect a doping scandal?

    Please, please do trike races. Live strong.

  4. Puddin'Tane says:

    Forget the tattoo…is that a clubfoot?

  5. Jeff Duffey says:

    I give it a 7.8. I docked him and extra 3/10 of a point for the StarKist Tuna tattoo. If the wound gets so big his skin actually explodes and an alient comes out of it then I will give it a 9.5.

  6. Davie Dave says:

    Rub some dirt on it and get back out their ya p***y.

  7. Obvious Man says:

    Worst. Tat. Evah.

  8. Gwyon says:

    Tim Rogers’ ankle is where the wild things are?

  9. DM says:

    Someone please make another post above this one, I’m trying to eat breakfast at my desk here.

  10. Tim Rogers says:

    It really breaks my heart to have trained so hard for four years and not won a metal medal. I let Team USA down, and I’ll have to live with that. (And I’m sorry about the tattoo, too.)

  11. Bethany says:

    Well, Gold is metal…

  12. Marci says:

    is that a….frog wearing a crown trying to surf???

    All men wish they could say “it keeps getting bigger”….and mean it.

  13. Deron says:

    Hey Tim – Good luck and I hope you get some hot nurses.

  14. Dr. Freud says:

    Hmmm. Might I suggest that each of you D types considers taking the MAST screening?


  15. amandacobra says:

    I just wish someone would lance that thing already. It’s really creeping me out.

  16. Jack E. Jett says:

    I’m just wondering..is that someone holding a large breast in the background?

  17. El Rey says:

    I have a bump like that on each bicep, just larger. I point them out to the ladies as I invite them to my ‘gun show’.


  18. Don't tell my mother says:

    Good suggestion, Dr. Freud. I was wondering why no one had pointed out the martini glass and bottle of vodka on the table where his foot is propped up. I speak from experience. I got a knot the same size and location falling down some steps while in a similar condition 20 years ago and still have no feeling in that spot.

  19. Sangy Farha says:

    I think that’s an Ozarka bottle, dude. Plus, it’s a school night, for crying out loud. It’s doesn’t take booze for these cats to lose their minds, particularly when limited physical skills are being challenged. Trust me, they are sober idiots.

    I’m just waiting for the somewhat controversial leg wrestling pictures.

  20. James says:

    Pour a little “Cactus Juice” on it.

  21. jrp says:

    arm wrestling over on UP and leg wrestling here on FB…everybody getting amped up for some Greco-Roman Olympic style or what??

    and my new favorite South Park bit and my new fantasy football team name: Scissor Me Timbers

    find your own clip

  22. Tim Rogers says:

    @ Dr. Freud: As Sangy Farha noted, that was a water bottle. And for the record, while that MAST test is certainly something I will clip and save, I don’t need to be squiffed to take a $25 bet that involves walking on my hands. Until last night, I considered myself an above-average hand walker.

  23. Dr. Freud says:

    Hmmm. And how are you feeling about that?

  24. Eric Celeste says:

    Leg-wrestling pics do exist. Not sure why they would be controversial. I won, best two of three. Spider monkey lost. Thank goodness. My wife wouldn’t stay with a guy who can’t beat a girl leg-wrestling.

  25. SLR says:

    Any leg-wrestling pics where Spider Monkey is wearing a Catholic schoolgirl’s outfit?

  26. Eric Celeste says:

    Tim and I took the MAST test. We passed. No drinking problem. And I think that also means we are very, very honest with ourselves. Off to the Monk.