Briefing: They Killed Quick for THIS?

The DMN‘s Briefing launched this week. I’ve avoided it till now. Zac just sat down on my couch and read aloud to me the work of one of the circular’s columnists, Tyra Damm. Here’s what she fired up today. This is a parody, right? It has to be. Because there’s no way the DMN brass thinks that throwing this stuff in the yards of non-subscribers is going to do anything other than turn people off of reading the paper.

Unless, again, it’s a parody. In which case, it’s pretty brilliant. Sign me up.

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Comments

58 responses to “Briefing: They Killed Quick for THIS?”

  1. IttyBittyWussy says:

    So now we hate mothers?

  2. DGirl says:

    Dear Diary,

    Today I got to publish a real article in Briefing. I didn’t have much to say really so I just ripped out a page from my Artist’s Way journal. I know it’s not much but it IS the Dallas Morning News, after all. More later, I’m hoping to launch my own blog tonight.

  3. Davie Dave says:

    So since Quick is dead do you think they would mind me swipping one of the Quick Newstands? I need a new end table.

  4. Wes Mantooth says:

    Jacquielynn Floyd is fearing for her job right about now.

  5. Bethany says:

    We hate writers that make us want to be begged for a head punch.

  6. drew says:

    Leading us to that link was retaliation for the criticism of Eric’s DNC posts, wasn’t it? Must we all suffer for the actions of a few?

  7. GoodGrief says:

    We’re supposed to be nice to Celeste about his Dud in Denver while you kick other writers around? Is this a parody?

  8. Brandon says:

    The good news about Briefing is that it can only get better from here on out. Right?

  9. LOC says:

    Even better was the “bio” at the end, which was rendered completely unnecessary (and laughable) since she recited every fact in the piece itself. Hilarious!

  10. MINI Fan says:

    Poor kid is named after my car…..

  11. Tom says:

    Yesterday’s maiden edition of Briefing featured this column from Darla Atlas.
    The DMN tried (and failed) to attract the “busy mom” crowd with its tabloid Lifestyle sections. The whole thing is quite puzzling.
    Speaking of that, does it have puzzles? Readers like that in a newspaper. But are they half-solved, so you don’t need as much time to complete them?

  12. Wes Mantooth says:

    That column didn’t just turn me against reading the paper. It turned me against paper as a creation. Ink, too. Both should be outlawed if they can’t be used more responsibly.

  13. Kill me now says:

    This morning I woke up.

    I then stubbed my toe on the bed.

    I took a sh*t.

    Then I showered.

    I love being a journalist. I apply the same passion to my morning routine.

    Gag. Gag. Gag.
    Don’t worry, I love children too.

  14. Bobby Ewing says:

    Well, I got midway through the second paragraph before kicking a homeless man out of frustration. I’d say that’s pretty good, right?!

    I’m curious what the author really looks like. Cause that’s not a real pic, is it? It looks suspiciously like those refrigerator magnets where you can put different hair and clothes on the statue.

  15. Jay says:

    Tyra. Dayum!

  16. Brandon says:

    OT @ Tom: Rock Chalk. I’ll be in Lawrence this weekend!

  17. Bethany says:

    Potemkin Village of the Dammed

  18. Prison Mike says:

    In this morning’s story about Edgar Winter (I know… why, right?) the writer referred to Winter’s much more famous brother, Jimmy.

    How can you be a music writer in Texas and not know who Johnny Winter is?

  19. Well, uh…

    Um.

    Good day to you, Frontburnervians. My name is…

    (sigh.)

    * click *

    * gunshot *

    * thud *

  20. TLS says:

    Alibaster! You’re back!

  21. Trey Garrison says:

    Oh my.

    Is Jean Teasdale’s column running tomorrow?

  22. Bunky Vroom says:

    That column inspired me to create my own goal: to pee in a DMN newsstand.

    P.S. I just accomplished my goal.

  23. Tim Rogers says:

    @ GoodGrief: Good question. I thought about that as I was writing the post. Listen, anyone who writes something and puts it out there for people to read has to be prepared for negative feedback. So your comments about Eric’s work were certainly fair game. I wasn’t suggesting you keep your thoughts to yourself; I was merely disagreeing with them.

    Now, as for Mrs. Damm. That’s indefensible.

  24. Emilio Velasquez, Jr. says:

    El Decherd Grande will not be distributing Briefing south of the Trinity because he has a new business strategy in mind for that region.

    It has just been revealed that the new, revised vanguard of the much-heralded DMN Southern Dallas Initiative will be Señor Dreher teaching los campesinos to raise chickens in the back yard while he reads to them from his gospel of the Wendell Berry:

    “We must achieve the character and acquire the skills to live much poorer than we do.”

    Then, when all los campesinos have come to live much poorer than they do now and can no longer afford the tax, La Tierra de Decherd will be ready for redevelopment and gentrification.

    Fear not, Señor Abthernabther, there is a Big Sur in your future!

    Oh…

    Emilio

  25. Matt says:

    Trey, you beat me to it.
    Jean Teasdale

  26. LB says:

    At least the comment that was left at the end was some good writing.

  27. brett says:

    I can’t wait for Jane McGarity to get involved in this.

  28. JB says:

    I would like a collumn. I will entitle it:
    “Skids in Your Briefing.”

    It would get to the bottom of Dallas’s dirtiest issues with the first commentary about the Black Hole that is the Dallas City Council and why it needs to be wiped clean.

  29. Sophie says:

    I was desperately hoping that Edgar really does have a brother named Jimmy. You know, the Jackie Jackson of the Winter family.

  30. Prison Mike says:

    In the same section that included the Johnny Winter gaffe this morning, there was a different item with a headline that referred to the arrest of “Rapper” Suge Knight.

    Suge Knight, as everyone knows, is not (nor has he ever been) a rapper, but a former record label owner.

    Clearly, fact checkers were the first to be let go in this latest batch of layoffs.

  31. Sam Merten says:

    The only two words worth reading were “breast pump.”

  32. Amy S says:

    43 I’s, 13 my’s. Math check anyone?

  33. username818 says:

    Thank god they still have The Gordon Keith.

  34. Dave from Ennis says:

    This is exactly the kind of news article I would find in Highlights magazine. Except written by a 12 yr old.

  35. Someone else says:

    My goodness, that column truly sucks. And Sam Merten, you crack me up.

  36. Bethany says:

    Is it bad that I quit reading after the headline?

  37. A.B. says:

    Is it worse that I kept reading to see if it was about anything relevant?

  38. Someone else says:

    Why does DMN keep trying to pander to 30-year-old suburban soccer moms? Clearly, they’ve invested in some kind of market research that indicates suburban women are a target market ripe for the picking.

    And just as clearly, that target market isn’t interested in DMN. (And if they were: Do we honestly think idiotic columns by nincompoops in Frisco will draw them in? DMN thinks young women will flock to the paper as readers so it publishes absolute crap that they’re supposed to identify with? That’s patronizing at best.)

    More than that, no other major newspaper that I know about finds suburban soccer moms particularly interesting as a potential market. So what on earth is the DMN market research department smoking that they’re so fixated on young suburban MILFs?

  39. J says:

    Give her a break.
    The column, while not hard-hitting or groundbreaking, wasn’t bad at all.
    She has a lot on her plate.
    Just give her a break.

  40. Amy S says:

    @ Someone else – Yeah! I say give us a rag that panders to Cougars!

  41. Informed Texan says:

    I didn’t read Briefing. I did open it though and unfold it right into my son’s pet rabbit’s cage. It is going to save me in gasoline and money for those trips to PetCo for cage filler. That stuff is expensive!

  42. jrp says:

    sad, man, just another reason to be sad

  43. jrp says:

    and thank you sweet little baby Jesus that Briefing won’t be delivered south of the river…another bonus to living in Oak Cliff

  44. Pretty Sad says:

    I decided to read the columns and that was five minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Ugh. It’s pretty sad when there are so many DMN great writers on staff wondering about their future and then Belo puts out this trash as their hope for the future? I agree. Exactly who do they think will be reading these columns and this newspaper?

  45. A.B. says:

    Maybe their next stroke of marketing genius is to resurrect the cuecat.

  46. Ex-lurker says:

    Tim, are you really this much of a douche?

    Take a second to do some research before you throw someone to your snarky commenters. Call DMN and ask around. “J” is right. Give her a break.

    If you hate Belo, fine. We get it. This was personal and uncalled for.

  47. Nancy Nichols says:

    Dues, she’s the gal making 32K sitting next to the guys who should have taken the buyout. Hello? You were right.

  48. bo says:

    Amen, Ex-lurker. Thank you for saying it.

  49. Tim's not a douche! says:

    Highlights…oh how I miss Highlights. Or, may be not…but I think thats a pretty apt description. Not sure what there is to defend in that article, I’ve read better junior high essays, no not the AP version, regular joe jr. high!

    This is why everyone I know under 35 prefers not to even take the DMN, because its such a piece of crap.

    Its a new world, people travel outside there own communities. I guess we are spoiled by the age of the internet where we can read real news written by big kids!

  50. bo says:

    J. mentioned that Tyra has a lot on her plate. Tyra, please talk about it. Shut all of these people up.

  51. Joe M says:

    Maybe it’s an ingenious ploy to attract talented writers to the DMN.

    Said talented writer reading the article: “Hell, I can write better than that! I need to apply for that column writing job!”

    But then again, maybe not.

  52. jim says:

    If you fill it with piece work from eager freelancers with no benefits, particularly those in desperate need, it’s almost as good as a warehouse in Belize packed with furiously stitching children.

    Briefing is where you find your hat after it blows away.

  53. Someone else says:

    JS hits the nail on the head. And yes, outsourcing the talent leads to this “talent.”

  54. jrp says:

    hear hear, JS

    what J, bo and Ex-lurker seem to fail to
    realize is that this “column” is degrading to those of us that want journalism to be an account of the day

    this is nothing more than a diary entry by a Frisco house-frau that’s trite, boring and an insult to my intelligence

    and we all have a lot on our plate, it’s called responsible adulthood, so that’s no excuse for this uselss piece of drivel

    Belo executives and editors apparently have no idea what we want from our newspaper, hence DMN readership will continue its downward trajectory for the years to come, while their free products get immediately dumped in the recycle bin or used to line the bird cage

    what do i want from my local newspaper? more Trey Garrison for starters and more Dave Levinthal, too

  55. J says:

    I fail to see how the column is degrading. It’s a lifestyles column, not a news column.

  56. jrp says:

    it’s not a lifestyles column it’s the useless, boring, dreams of an eight-year-old published by the only major daily newspaper in town in an attempt to woo new readers to a new product

    Dave Barry, Molly Ivins, George Will, Bill Simmons, Tom Friedman, Paul Krugman etc. consistently write columns full of humor, wit, insight, as well as being of the day, despite not being hard-news columns

    the crap the DMN continually rolls out in its columns isn’t anything other than the diary entries of people that lead boring-ass lives

  57. J says:

    All right, jrp. I see your point, though I do think much of the criticism was overkill.

  58. Dave In Texas says:

    jrp, if the criticisms of Tyra were only about her writing style. But quickly, too quickly, the snark turned on her appearance, her funny photograph and her audacity as writing from FRISCO, for God’s sake. How dare she.

    I’m not a fan of her style of column, even if done with wit and style. But it’s no more an insult to intelligence than Celeste’s wearying Gonzo-wannabe scribblings from Denver. We get what we pay for, I suppose.

    I somehow doubt Ms. Damm never pitched herself as anything more than a haus-frau diarist. There’s a market for that somewhere — I just don’t know why the DMN management thought that audience was in high-value neighborhoods that don’t subscribe to the paper.

    I suspect your correct that DMN management has no idea what the hell to do. How else to you explain mass buyouts and layoffs, a smaller paper physically and professionally and reliance on a terrible website and freebies no one wants as their bridge to the journalistic future.