“SEX CAULDRON! I Thought They Shut That Place Down!”

Police released an affidavit this afternoon that details the recent raid on our favorite sex club in Duncanville, the Cherry Pit. The, uh, money graph:

According to the affidavit, sex parties are held at the home every Friday and Saturday for 50 to 80 people or 80 to 100 during special events and holidays. Photos provided by police along with the affidavit show a hot tub, huge beds, panties hanging from a string in one room, and large quantities of liquor.

I mean, as liberal as I am, that is disgusting. Hot tubs are swimming with germs, people. Just everybody cram in the shower, like they do at my pad. Crazy, baby. Crazy. Hey, you, get away from my fondue!

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Comments

20 responses to ““SEX CAULDRON! I Thought They Shut That Place Down!””

  1. Jack Jett says:

    You hets never cease to amaze me with your debauchery. We serve steak tartare with pomme frittes and toast points. Far less messy than any fondue, and besides fondue is so 1970’s.

    Now, is that Senator Lindsey Graham and actress Katherine Helmond in the corner of the pool?

    The lady standing is what I imagine Bethany looks like and she is correcting her hubby on proper gawking etiquette.

  2. amanda says:

    Did anyone else see the pictures of the inside of The Pit? Plywood bunkbeds and gallon jugs of off brand liquor… Nothing says nookie like that, for sure.

  3. Brandon Walsh says:

    The Cherry Pit sounds so much better than our crummy hangout.

  4. publicnewssense says:

    I don’t know why Duncanville is so miffed — at least these Cherry Pit people aren’t walking around the streets with their pants falling down, they’re not covering their windows with junky adverts, they’re not driving drunk and they’re not using their massive arsenal to hold up banks, service stations, convenience stores, etc., and so far they haven’t been linked to the Uptown burglary spree. Maybe it’s time for a new city slogan: Duncanville: Feel the Love …

  5. John M says:

    Surely the Duncanville police have something better to do than worry about what consenting adults do in the privacy of someone’s home.

    People have sex at house parties all the time, hell, fraternities are build around this idea. Why on earth does anyone care if these people go to a party to get a little something something?

  6. BF says:

    Wow, Brandon, that was quite an obscure 90210 reference…

  7. Tom says:

    Maybe Duncanville just wants to collect sales taxes on all those admission fees, drinks and “fun” coupons.

  8. Daniel says:

    And this is the police’s business how? A hundred bucks says the police report was stained with drool.

  9. Josh Pearson says:

    Uh, Daniel. Have you seen pictures of some the attendees? You can make them all hot, young 20-somethings in your head. But, in reality, it’s closer to the other end of that spectrum from what I’ve seen…

  10. Wes Mantooth says:

    HBO Documentaries have taught me that, as a general rule, neither prostitutes nor swingers nor nudists are even 10% of their mythologized ideal. For every real life Julia-Roberts-Pretty-Woman-Hooker-With-A-Heart-of-Gold, there have to be 10,000 toothless meth’d-out truck stop whores. And that ratio might not be high enough.

  11. Sad Times says:

    Agreed. But, the sad thing is, Mantooth, one becomes the other in about 3 years. So, the ratios are constantly increasing.

  12. Bethany says:

    Jack,
    Please. Like I would marry someone who didn’t already know how to properly gawk.

  13. Puddin'Tane says:

    There are Beautiful People groups and clubs but they’re not in the news because the members are much more exclusive and discreet.

  14. KR says:

    Puddin, please do tell more.

  15. Josh Pearson says:

    No need, Puddin. Tim already took care of it for us a while ago. KR – check here and here.

  16. Puddin'Tane says:

    I have friends that claim it’s strictly a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

    Jes sayin’.

  17. Daniel says:

    Josh,

    No, I haven’t. Point taken. A walk down Bryan Street after dark will confirm that prostitutes are an uncomely lot, and we’ve all seen the disturbing photos of three-balled nudists grinning like monkeys, apparently oblivious to their condition.

    I’m blissfully ignorant about swingers, but very eager to take your word for it.

  18. Tey says:

    The first rule of f*&k club is you don’t talk about f$#k club!

  19. IttyBittyWussy says:

    First: If the statute has been challenged, and the challenge is on appeal, then everyone is waiting for the court to decide whether or not the police can shut down the club. So what do the police do while waiting to find out if they are allowed to shut it down? They just run out and shut it down. But they can do that, because they’re the cops.

    Second: In the process of writing people tickets for being lewd and violating a real estate zoning ordinance, the cops find it necessary to take everyone’s wallets and personal property. Why? I guess it’s because they’re the cops.

  20. China says:

    “..Dude, Mcconaughey!. I heard you reaaly like to take thing up a notch”