Let New Parkland Play The Naming-Rights Game

OK, so local taxpayers could be asked to underwrite up to $750 million for a new Parkland Hospital. Ouch. How about easing the burden a bit by selling “naming rights” to the thing? (After all, Jerry Jones might get $1 billion over time for the right to name the new Cowboys stadium in Arlington.) Only thing is, you’d have to be a little sensitive about which outfit wins the bidding; here’s guessing “Smith & Wesson Memorial Hospital” won’t fly.


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25 responses to “Let New Parkland Play The Naming-Rights Game”

  1. AS says:

    Just throwing out there – Cesar Chavez? Any money go with that?

  2. DKC says:

    John Wiley Price Memorial

  3. Mike says:

    Anchor Baby Memorial?

  4. DM says:

    Blockbuster Cranial Surgery Center
    Atmos Energy Burn Unit
    FedEx/Kinkos Transplant Center
    Russ Martin Addiction & Recovery Center

  5. Dawn says:

    Actually, my sister was born at Wesson Women’s Hospital in Springfield Massachusetts (it is now known as the Wesson Women & Infants Unit of Baystate Medical Center). Springfield is the home of Smith & Wesson, and the Wesson in the hospital name is one and the same!

  6. amandacobra says:

    Enron Field Memorial Burn Center?

  7. Emilio Velasquez, Jr. says:

    I weep with such joy, my new countrymen, at your generosity in building us such a fine new hospital. When El Gato Grande finally does deliver unto us our lovely cabras we shall not hesitate to show our appreciation in turn by bringing them there in their time so that their own adorable bambinos will also enjoy the finest of care as well.

    If he would only help us obtain our missing cabras with the same fearless prose he has so unselfishly unleashed recently against those fey foes of elephant fajitas, we shall once again as one raise our voices on high and demand that our new hospital be named for that hero who so truly represents this new land, ¡Señor Steve!


  8. monkey god says:

    Let’s name is simply, The Hospital in Dallas.

  9. publicnewssense says:

    With a nod to Parkland’s storied past and with a boost from a major commercial force in America: The Kennedy/Target Medical Center.

  10. Daniel says:

    They could take a cue from the NFL broadcasts and sell naming rights to various procedures.

    Jack Daniels Liver Transplant

    KFC / Pizza Hut Yum Brands Angioplasty

    “Time to take your Comerica blood pressure, Mr. Martin!”

    “For a time after the operation, we’ll manage the pain with a Calvin Klein morphine drip…”


  11. DocinFW says:

    How about tell it like it really is, once this thing is built what will happen is Parkland is going to branch out on there own and no longer be staff by the faculty of UTSW but what would make more sense is just merge the two together and save us alot of maney on taxes, as we all know the powers to be at both hospitals do not like each other much. We all know that is why UTSW gets a break for caring for low income people (which they don’t but should)

  12. jane says:

    1)The Brian Loncar Recovery and Rehabilitation Facility
    2) The Lisa Garza Center for Wayward Girls
    3) Hunt House for Wound Care and Recovery
    4) Erica Nazem Psychiatric Center for Narcissists
    5) The John Wiley Price Anger Management Clinic

  13. Spamboy says:

    I personally like “Your Mother”, with “Hospital” in teeny-tiny letters beneath.

  14. LM says:

    Hey DocinFW,

    “We all know” that the powers don’t like each other? Do you work for UTSW or Parkland? Historically the two entities have thrived from being joined at the hip. Why would that change with a new building?

    With all the hispanic babies born there, maybe it should have a Spanish name (but NOT Chaves.) Any suggestions?

  15. AS says:

    The Cuellar “El Chica” Maternity Hospital?

  16. LakeWWWooder says:

    Collin County ARM Center.

  17. Jay says:

    County General

  18. Dooner says:

    “Dollar General” Hospital
    “Stop & Go” Hospital
    “D” Hospital
    “Neiman’s Last Call” Hospital

  19. thomas says:

    * Legendary Oilman T. Boone Pickens TM Hospital
    * Cactus Juice Hospital
    * Ghostbar Douchebag Hospital
    * Rampart General Hospital
    * Yoko Romo Humanitarian Hospital
    * St. Wickius Catholic Hospital

  20. the cynic says:

    La Chica Grande y ninos y ninas y mucho mas

  21. Daniel says:

    Ninos Y Mas

    I think you win, cynic. Although “Ninoeria” works, too.

  22. Jack Jett says:

    Baby’s R Us
    JFK’s Neurological Center
    McCain’s Alzheimer Unit
    Alberto Gonzales Memory Care

  23. publicnewssense says:

    How about “We Tote The Note Hospital?”

  24. Puddin'Tane says:

    St. Albatross

  25. Little Miss Haughty says:

    How about a simple infirmaria et pharmacia? SHould be easy for the future patients to understand!