Leading Off (7/30/08)

1. The saga of Jenny the elephant continues. Will she be shipped off to Mexico? Tennessee? Might she even stay at the Dallas Zoo? I just finished Water for Elephants, so I consider myself an expert on the subject of elephant care. I suggest that someone bring Jenny a bucket of whiskey and speak to her in Polish. (And now that I think about it, in the Dallas production of the stage version of the book, Robert Wilonsky would make a fine Jacob Jankowski opposite Angela Hunt‘s Marlena L’Arche.)

2. Soon a guy named Dennis Wheeler will start selling electric cars in Dallas. I’m so sick of these holier-than-thou hipsters who latch onto trends like this so they can lord their coolness over my head. First one of these electric cars I see on the road, I’m mowing it down with my gas-guzzling Prius.

3. Dallas Police have made their first arrests using video of a crime posted on YouTube. But watch the video. Is it just me, or does it look liked a staged crime? It’s just so — choreographed. Probably just me.


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20 responses to “Leading Off (7/30/08)”

  1. amanda says:

    # 3, obviously staged. I mean look at the production quality, the lighting…it felt like a great caper movie.

    No, I think it’s just a case of (for once) a business owner having a higher res security camera, installing them properly, and recording to a DVD. Unfortunately, most don’t invest in this kind of equipment.

  2. Eric Celeste says:

    Re: No. 1 — Could you be gayer?

  3. Tim Rogers says:

    @ Eric: I like a good love story. And the circus. And trains. Is that so wrong?

  4. amanda says:

    What about clowns, Tim? Do you like the clowns?

  5. Tim Rogers says:

    I have to admit that the scene where Jacob wakes up in a trunk, nude, covered in clown makeup, and able to remember only snippets of his liaison with two women made me want to run away and join the circus.

  6. thomas says:

    The Toyota Prius will be the AMC Gremlin or Ford Pinto of the 2000s. At least the Gremlin was available in purple and the Pinto blew up (real good).

  7. Dave Moore says:

    Thomas: My grandfather drove a lime green Gremlin. The vision still haunts me. Thanks a lot.

  8. Bethany says:

    I have to start reading Tim’s books. It may beat reading about some guy barfing in a bag while one of Rev. Hagee’s guys casts out the sin of handwriting analysis…

  9. El Rey says:

    2. I want to open a combined Aptera and Tesla Motors Dealership. I can get the big money crowd with the Tesla Roadster and the Aptera Typ-1 will be a guaranteed hit in Lakewood. They will both make the Prius drivers realize how ugly their cars are.


  10. Wes Mantooth says:

    Just wait for the Fisker Karma. Badly named given the catfight with Tesla right now, but that will be one smoking ride.

    I can’t wait to convert a Hummer to biodiesel and start flattening Priuii in an eco-friendly manner.

  11. Mike says:

    You write:

    “I’m so sick of these holier-than-thou hipsters who latch onto trends like this so they can lord their coolness over my head. First one of these electric cars I see on the road, I’m mowing it down with my gas-guzzling Prius.”

    Based on this line of thinking you might as well be hurling insults at Sprint Instinct users while talking on your iPhone.

  12. Tim Rogers says:

    @ El Rey: The Aptera is technically considered a motorcycle. It’s too small to ferry a wife and two kids around. And I couldn’t find an MSRP. The Tesla? You kidding me? I’d love one. But, again, it’s a two-door car. And it costs $100,000. It had better make my Prius look ugly.

    @ Mike: I’m sorry if my intended irony didn’t come through. I think the electric cars are cool.

  13. thomas says:

    Eight of ten leading medical scientists are predicting that the emasculating Toyota Prius will lead men to premature mid-life crisis in 5-7 years.

    Hot dog fingers and conniptions are also possible, but unlikely.

  14. Wes Mantooth says:

    I didn’t know that men were allowed to drive a Prius. I’ve never seen one.

  15. thomas says:

    I hear Toyota is coming out with a “Country Squire” version of the Prius. It”l have all kinds of fake wood. Yo, that’s dope.

  16. Bethany says:

    A Prius sporting massive wood? Wouldn’t that be a Priuspism?

  17. Towski says:

    Only if your tank of gas lasts more than 4 hours.

  18. thomas says:

    Cars typically achieve cult status if they are either really bad ass (Ferrari GT, GTO) or they are sissy mobiles (Nash Rambler, Toyota Prius.) Good news, P.P.O.s (Pius Prius Owners), you will achieve cult status.

  19. Bethany says:

    You know, I really don’t understand the carping at Prius owners. It’s a car. They own one. You don’t. You own a whatever. Get over it.

    You look like more of a jackass for carping at them than you think they do for driving one.

  20. PseudoName says:

    Yeah, but I only look like a jackass under a fake name! WA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!