Leading Off (07/17/08)

1. Here’s something to keep in mind when some kid inevitably shows up on your doorstep this summer with a sob story and a magazine subscription to sell: he’s probably lying, possibly criminal, and potentially doped to the gills.

2. Ray Sumrow has gone from respected Rockwall County DA to a 15-year prison sentence for stealing public money. How? Probably because of solid financial strategies such as this: “Mr. Sumrow has said that the money entered his account by mistake and that he preferred paying exorbitant insufficient funds fees to balancing his checkbook…Mr. Sumrow made no investments, kept no savings account and has no life insurance. During a recent court hearing, he was unsure whether he has a retirement account and said he owed the IRS $31,000.”

3. Dirk Nowitzki netted a tournament-high 35 points as he led Germany one step closer to qualifying for next month’s Olympics in Beijing. “Dirk is one of the best players in the world. He can score in so many ways,” said L.A. Clipper, fake German, and master of the obvious Chris Kaman.


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12 responses to “Leading Off (07/17/08)”

  1. amandacobra says:

    I liked Chris Kaman wayyyyy better when there was a rumor that he was using all his NBA salary to build a chicken ranch to raise chickens for Jesus. Now he just looks like a spare member of Pale Force. Fail.

  2. Tom says:

    Wow. I wouldn’t mind having money enter my accounts by mistake. Can anyone do that, or do you have to be a district attorney first?

  3. Spamboy says:

    Thanks for #1 there. Now I know what to do fo defense when I’m accosted by the D Magazine salesboy.

  4. Towski says:

    Huh. I thought all the magazine sales people were out of work IT guys who look like Orlando Jones. Thanks for the heads up!

  5. amanda says:

    Re: #1, that’s really, really weird… Does anyone know what the deal is with the college students selling educational books every summer?

  6. Zac Crain says:

    Spamboy: We no longer have to use magazine sales “crews.” We have Tom Sawyered Eric into thinking it’s the best possible workout for his obliques and glutes. It helps us feel better, and it’s essentially free.

  7. TLS says:

    Here’s the info on the educational books company: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southwestern_Company

  8. Wes Mantooth says:

    So I was at a local crime watch meeting last night and the topic of door-to-door salesmen/solicitors came up. Apparently every last one of them is casing houses for burglaries, according to several senior members of the audience.

    One senior gentleman suggested that when he is not expecting anyone and answers the door, he first dials 9-1 on his cell phone and has his finger on the remaining 1 while he holds the phone to his ear. He recommends this method, as the “solicitor” will often disappear when they see that he is home and apparently on the phone.

    I asked if he was related to Milhouse Van Houten, but he just gave me a quizzical look. At least he didn’t dial 9-1 on me.

  9. Zac Crain says:

    Someone needs to Cafe Press up a I’m dialing 9-1 t-shirt.

  10. amandacobra says:

    In all complete and total seriousness, my grandfather always told me the same thing when I was a kid and home alone. I was always told by him to dial 9-1 when there was a knock at the door then leave the phone on the kitchen countertop. He did not trust city-folk.

  11. Wes Mantooth says:

    Grandma Van Houten would be so proud.

  12. Spamboy says:

    I guess the Baker Street Irregulars weren’t available…?