Jessica Simpson Should Maybe Sit the Next Few Plays Out

Just received a tip from a sweet female FBvian–who is REALLY unhappy with my previous headline (c’mon, I’m just tryin’ to rile you up, people!)–that everyone in FB Nation needs to read the September Elle cover story, in which Tony Romo’s girlfriend dishes on all things boy-toy. My favorite quote, about her ex, John Mayer:

“John believed in the Jessica Simpson that’s within.”

She then goes on to talk about Romo, and how wonderfully in love they are. That prompted this IM analysis from said FBvian, which may give away who it was:

Seriously, people don’t like people who always talk about how happy they are. And she oughta know by now that the happier you make yourself out to be, the harder you fall when it all comes crashing down, a la Kathy Lee Gifford. The whole thing was annoying. If Tony wants to trade up, I know another Jessica he can date. So if he got a tattoo of her name, he wouldn’t even have to change it.

Two words: Me. Ow.

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Comments

26 responses to “Jessica Simpson Should Maybe Sit the Next Few Plays Out”

  1. Bethany says:

    “John believed in the Jessica Simpson that’s within.”

    *cough* What’d he use to find it?

  2. Wes Mantooth says:

    He probed for it, Bethany. Probed.

  3. Thumberlina Low says:

    While it is clear that you are unhappy with
    this Romo/Simpson relationship, it is not clear why. Jealous of Romo or Simpson or happy people in general. Aren’t you and your headband happy with Timmeh??

  4. Bethany says:

    Seriously, though. Who writes like that – unless its for Harlequin?

  5. amandacobra says:

    A certain Belo-owned publication’s blog has a quote by Papa Joe that reads:

    “She’s coming to the games this year, so you better get ready,” Papa Joe said. “She’s a fan from the beginning to the end.”

    followed by:

    “He better have the year of his life,” Papa Joe said

    And in her own words:

    “Most of the guys I dated were captivated by my heart but they had different ways of trying to get to me. Tony understands me. He appreciates my talent. He’s the first person I’ve spiritually connected with. I’m a girl that loves to be in love. I love love!”

    Note to the entire Simpson clan: STFU. Seriously, there’s always a perfectly good time and place to just be quiet and stop talking and save face and preserve a little bit of dignity. It’s fine to love love. Just stop selling every little bit of your (or your daughters) life out for publicity or money.

    I’m predicting 13-3 as it stands now but that’s IF Papa Joe doesn’t bust out his own dry erase board outside the locker room.

  6. Tom says:

    “John believed in the Jessica Simpson that’s within.”
    As opposed to what, the one that’s overblown, overhyped and overplayed? Maybe the Jessica that’s within can stop showing up everywhere. Just keep dating Tony and stop trying to use him for your publicity gravy train.

  7. Tom says:

    I love desk.

  8. Eric Celeste says:

    Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying you love it, because you saw it?

  9. Vaudeville says:

    Trade “up”? I’ll give your Jessica IM’ee the upper hand in (1) witty jabbery (2) snark and (3) teeth, but there’s still a little something known as “T&A”. Jessica Light should take note.

  10. Bethany says:

    I love lamp. I love lamp.

  11. Jessica Light says:

    Vaudeville, how’s that Mazda CX7 treating ya? Zoom, zoom.

  12. Daniel says:

    I love strong drink, bitter mockery, and sunsets on the beach.

  13. microdermer says:

    “Most of the guys I dated were captivated by my heart but they had different ways of trying to get to me…”

    Two warm hands and a stethoscope (sung to Beck’s “two turntables and a microphone.”

  14. Vaudeville says:

    JL–Don’t know what you’re talking about. CX9, by the way. CX7 is for chicks.

  15. Sallycat says:

    Careful, Vaudeville. Some FB-ers are really sensitive about car criticism. Boo hoo.

  16. Wes Mantooth says:

    “…there’s always a perfectly good time and place to just be quiet and stop talking and save face and preserve a little bit of dignity.”

    amandacobra, I think that time was prior to the filming of “Newlyweds.”

  17. Sallycat says:

    “Tony, where is the strangest place you’ve made whoopee?”

  18. carpooler says:

    She really, really hates it when guys are in relationships. Trust me. I know things.

  19. Puddin'Tane says:

    Eric: that photo is strictly and advo for her new bag.

  20. monkey god says:

    Why is Jessica Simpson famous?

  21. Bethany says:

    Puddin, don’t you mean bags? And they’re not new.

  22. allison says:

    Don’t worry, y’all. They broke up (if only for a brief time) not too long after the last time she ran her mouth about Tony to a magazine.

    Oh, and score one for creativity… http://perezhilton.com/2008-07-31-deja-vu-3

  23. jrp says:

    as an Eagles fan, i love Yoko Romo hanging around your QB 24/7 365

    as i’ve said before, i guess he’s never seen Rocky

    “Women weaken legs!”

  24. Puddin'Tane says:

    jpr: the line from Bull Durham is much better. “Never f*** with a winning streak!”