Dallas the Movie, What Do You Want For Christmas?

“Well, for starters, a script would be nice. At this point, I’d settle for just about anything. They could basically retool an old episode and I’d be fine with it. It wouldn’t even have to be from the actual Dallas series. Falcon Crest, Knots Landing, Dynasty, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? — whatever. But that’s not the real problem. It’s Travolta. I’ve been trying to shake him for years but the dude won’t budge. At this point, I’m halfway convinced he thinks he’s playing L. Ron Hubbard instead of J.R. Ewing. And he’s always talking about his plane. It’s like, bro, I get it. You love to fly. I think everybody got the hint when you named your kid Jet. Plus, I can’t even check my Gmail without him jumping on the chat to ask me about my thetan level. Can you make the writer’s strike last forever?”