YET MORE TRAGEDY BEFALLS D MAGAZINE STAFF

Nancy right now is getting a root canal. Which is awesome. As she noted, things are weird around the office. But she had no idea just how weird. Here’s a note I got from Trey a few minutes ago, after I asked him to explain a cryptic reference he’d made in an e-mail to an “injury” that was keeping him out of the office:

I got bit by a spider. On the buttocks. Last weekend. It developed into an abscess about the size of an orange. I went to the doctor Monday, and he started me on antibiotics and sweet, sweet pain pills. (If I seemed a little loopy Tuesday night, there you go.) Tuesday it was still just swollen, so I was able to walk around, if slowly, and sit, if painfully.

Then came Wednesday morning. I awoke from fitful sleep to discover that it has started draining. (The medical term is “expressing” because all doctors are right bastards with cruel senses of humor.) Let your imagination soar, and I swear it still won’t be as gross as you’d think, or as torrential. Moses himself could not part this murky yellow sea. So right now, I can’t sit, I can’t go anywhere, and I have to swab the exceptionally tender area with alcohol EVERY GODD*** HOUR.

So we’re hitting on all cylinders, folks.

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