Sorry. Starting late. And hungry. My wife decided to go to happy hour in North Dallas rather than bring me the sandwich she promised. Not that I’m bitter. On to the NBA draft! Follow the jump and refresh often.
6:35 — NBA version of Tony Soprano, David Stern, kicks us off. He’s wearing the same shirt he did in 1989 when he announced “Never Nervous” Pervis Ellison as the No. 1 bust, has kicked us off. Need to catch up on the trades from the past half hour. Will be tough, since I’m eating my own intestines.
6:38 — The Portland Trailblazers surprise no one and take Greg Oden. They’ll be very happy with his 17 points and 11 boards as they watch Kevin Durant dominate the league for the next 15 years.
6:40 — Stephen A. Smith is television cancer. I can barely stand to look at him, much less listen to him. His assessment: “The Sonics need Kevin Durant.” Oh, you think so, doctor?
6:41 — Stephen A: “You can’t teach 7 feet! You just can’t teach 7 feet!” [Loading chamber.]
6:45 — Seattle has just taken the most dominant player in the league from 2009 to 2018. Thank you, Portland. Kevin Durant will be a star.
6:48 — Zach from NY chimes in for first time: “Why does ESPN suck so much?” If he’s going to ask such obvious questions, I’m gonna have to find another contributor.
6:49 — ESPN just listed Durant’s country as “Texas.” Nice.
6:50 — Just won $1 from Zach, who thought they’d take Yi. Up $1.
6:54 — Great selection by Memphis. Predicted it. Mike Conley will be a stud.
6:55 — Zach tells me that Boston has traded this pick to Seattle. They are new my new favorite non-Mavs team. I love their moves so far. Is there any more proof that former Mavs goober Rick Sund is no longer running Seattle?
6:58 — Stuart Scott told Kevin Durant had a crush on Beyonce. Zach reports that Jaz-Z has just put out a $3-million hit on KD.
6:59 — Noted local real estate star and high roller backer Michael Thum reports that “Andy Katz is Jewish.”
7:03 — Zach doesn’t like the Jeff Green pick. Thinks he’s too much like KD. I say he can play PF while Durant plays SF. Discuss.
7:06 — Love it! Milwaukee takes the poor man’s Wang ZhiZhi, Yi Jianlian. Awesome that they’re taking someone who says he’ll refuse to play for them.
7:07 — Zach: “Did they call him 50 Cent?” Me: “No, they said he shoots 50 percent.”
7:08 — “Wow. A 7-footer who can dunk. Good pick.”
7:09 — Milwaukee takes a guy they’ve never seen work out. Hmm. Wonder how that will work out for them.
7:10 — More Mark Jackson, less Stephen A. Please.
7:12 — Zach on Corey Brewer: He is Josh Howard.
7:14 — Thum is bringing the commentary from the Jewish perspective. His take on Joakim Noah’s seersucker: “Is that the Bar Mitzvah tuxedo?” Zach on the same suit: “It’s the Adam McGill special.”
7:15 — Me: “How do you spell Joakim?” Zach: “U-G-L-Y.”
7:20 — Wife showed up with a fantastic sammy. I take it all back.
7:21 — Michael Jordan selects someone from North Carolina. No surprise. I hate the pick, though. I think he’s an underachiever, and he’ll be on in the pros. They show him blocking shots from guys on Gonzaga. I did the same thing last year.
7:23 — My one draft rule: Don’t draft anyone with braces, except Josh Howard. The bobcats just violated this maxim.
7:24 — Freeze walks in with breaking news! Paul Pierce, according to ESPN radio, has been traded! Amazing! He’s breaking news! “Oh, wait, Ray Allen! Not Paul Pierce!”
7:30 — Freeze and Zach love the UGLY pick. Then Freeze just gave me an off-the-record comment on who from the Mavs he would consider trading. That’s right. A local lawyer with tickets just went off the record. The media world is inverted.
7:33 — My wife, who joins me at Thum’s house, just duded me. That’s showing support.
7:34 — Oh no! The Kings just took Spencer Hawes, the next Big White Stiff. Zach on Hawes: “Never draft anyone who has my haircut.” Freeze wonder if they’re going to play him with Brad Miller. We all wonder if this was a dare between the Malouf brothers, and they’re currently doing shots at the Palm.
7:39 — What a great pick by Atlanta. I think he’ll be a stud. Of course, Zach the Aggie agrees. He’s watching highlights of him screaming, “THAT’S WHAT I DO! THAT’S WHAT I DO!” Freeze and I like the pick. Best point on the board. Mainly because he’s got brass ones. Think Nick Van Excel.
7:44 — Stu Scott just called him Acie Earl. Stu thinks it’s still 1991.
7:45 — Freeze and Zach are starting the Julian Wright parade. Can’t believe he’s still available. Seems like a reach by 76ers. Should you ever draft someone named Thaddeus? Discuss.
7:51 — We’re all ready for a Mavs trade to move up and grab the falling Julian Wright.
7:53 — Watching USA vs Argentina. Someone e-mail me who the next pick is.
7:54 — N.O. takes Wright. I can’t believe Mark Cuban has stopped reading FB. It makes no sense.
7:56 — Freeze: “I want Petteri Koponen so bad. SO bad!”
7:59 — Penalty Kick time! Here it comes. Eddie Johnson takes the shot … GOAL!
8:01 — Clippers get great value with Al Thornton. According to someone who just e-mailed me.
8:02 — Damn. Argentina tied it up. What channel is the NBA draft on again?
8:04 — Like that Al Thornton is rocking the orange look. Sinatra’s favorite color.
8:06 — Shutting down at pick 15. Too much going on. Must eat. Will come back up when/if Mavs pick/do something cool.
8:07 — Freeze called it. Rodney Stuckey. Bor-ing. Will check back in occasionally. Must eat. Celeste out.
10:00 — LOVE the Nick Fazekas pick by the Mavs. He’s the new Keith Van Horn. And I mean that in a good way. The great stats man John Hollinger had Fazekas as the SEVENTH-best prospect in the draft. That counts for … something, right? Go Mavs! MFFL!