RE: GO, DOG, GO!

Thanks to all of the politically correct, dog-lovin’ FrontBurnervians who just drop-kicked me to the top of the “Cruelest Human in the World” list. Now, hear me out:

“Why didn’t you just give them Benadryl?” one FBvian asked. Because I didn’t have any, and it was pouring outside.

“You should not treat dogs with strong drugs like that.” You were not there. They were fighting, biting, and one was eating my couch because she was so nervous. Plus, the Gran Marnier and vanilla ice cream cocktail I’d already served them wasn’t working like it usually does.

“You could have killed those dogs.” Yes, my sentiments exactly. Hence, the Ambien.

“Why didn’t you call the owners to come get them?” Because they called me to pick up their dogs because they couldn’t get home in the storm. Plus, my cable and DSL were out, and my house was surrounded by gustnados.

So, quit writing me and bite yourself. BTW, I learned the term “gustnado” from the cute weather guy on Channel 21. I looked it up and found out it’s a fairly common term. I like it. Technically it’s “a short-lived, ground-based, shallow vortex that develops on a gust front associated with either thunderstorms or showers. They may be accompanied by rain, but usually are ‘wispy.'” Today I am having an emotional gustnado — my head is swirling, my mood is gusty, and I feel shallow and wispy. Stay away.

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