In fact, Adam, I do know something more. Just hung up with Hansen. Yes, Dallas Can is suing him. (I refuse to use their exclamation mark!) Here’s his side of the story. It entails golf, revenge, and Dennis Miller. And it’s a bit complicated. So buckle up:

Hansen hosts a golf tournament every year, the proceeds from which have gone to Dallas Can. And a man named Scott Noble has been the title sponsor of said tourney. For the 2005 event, Noble put up something on the order of $500,000. But Dallas Can only got a small fraction of that. Let’s say $150,000. When Dallas Can learned how much Noble had put up, and how little they’d received, they sued Hansen for skimming off the top.

Now, here’s the thing. This tournament used to be played at Fossil Creek, which charged Hansen about $4,000 for the privilege. That’s real cheap. So was the hotel where they held the gala, the DFW Marriott. But in 2004, Noble suggested they move the golf tourney to the Four Seasons. They got rained out and wound up instead at Craig Ranch. The bill for that jumped to $50,000. And the gala was moved to the Westin Galleria. Also a bit more dear.

But those weren’t the only ballooning expenses. Noble also suggested they bring in Dennis Miller for the gala. Cha-ching. That was $125,000. Plus, when Noble sent his private jet to pick up Miller, it didn’t meet his expectations. So Noble had to rent one and send it over. Not cheap. (Not to mention which fact Miller, according to Hansen, “offended damn near everybody in the room.” They walked out in droves. Which made Hansen giggle.)

Anyway, Noble agreed to cover all these extra expenses, and to keep our narrative rolling, let’s agree that he more or less did.

The 2005 tournament went similarly. Sub the Oak Ridge Boys for Dennis Miller, which saved some money. But it was still held at Craig Ranch. And the prizes for the tourney were very nice indeed. Where they used to give out $100 hole prizes and the winner got dinner at Bob’s, now they were handing out plasma TVs and Rolex watches. Noble’s intention was that by upping the ante, the tournament would become more popular and ultimately raise more money for Dallas Can.

But Hansen says he had to cover his expenses before he could pay Dallas Can. And that $500,000 that Noble spent last year (plus the tally from the other sponsors) was mostly eaten up by those expenses. That’s why there was only $150,000 to fork over.

But wait. It gets more complicated.

Dale Hansen has a son named Eric, who was once a golf pro. Eric essentially managed the tournament through an event planner. He’s also named in the suit.

Eric also owns Iris Advertising, which was the agency of record for Scott Noble’s company, Noble Royalties. And Eric claims Noble owes him about $500,000 for work he did totally unrelated to golfing or gala-ing or Dallas Can. Furthermore Eric says that the CFO of Noble Royalties, a man called Bobby Zache, tried to buy Iris last year, offering Eric stock in Noble Royalties. The deal wasn’t right for Eric, and he passed.

So Eric has spurned the advances of Noble. And he’s telling them, “You owe me money. Please pay up. Or I’ll have to sue you.”

Even furthermore Eric says that, yes, Noble spent $500,000 on the tourney in 2005, but half of that sum went to spiffing Noble’s own clients and certain other personal invitees to the tournament–above and beyond whatever was standard tournament spiffing.

Got the picture? This is really about Noble Royalties and Iris Advertising. Not Dale Hansen and Dallas Can. Although it would be natural to assume that Dallas Can isn’t real happy with Dale because he stopped endorsing the organization at the first of this year and didn’t exactly part on the best of terms (a whole different complicated story).

Here’s the kicker. When Bobby Zache brought all this up and suggested that the Hansens had been lining their pockets, Eric got all kinds of offended. Eric told them, “You can come audit our books. I swear on my son’s life that everything is aboveboard.” At which point Zache said that’s when he knew Eric was lying. Because in Zache’s opinion, Eric should have said, “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of wrongdoing. Go to hell.” Again, all this is according to the Hansens. And a Price Waterhouse audit, I’m told, has been done, though Noble isn’t sharing the results.

Anyway, this last bit about presumed guilt based on swearing on the lives of offspring wouldn’t be worth mentioning, except for this: Dale says he’d invested $100,000 with Noble Royalties. So he calls up the folks at Noble Royalties and says, “Does that mean if I were to accuse you of stealing my $100,000, rather than open your books and show me where the money was being invested, you’d tell me to go to hell?” And Dale was told that’s exactly the response he’d get. So he told ’em to send back his $100,000. They sent him $99,990.

That’s all I know at this time. Eric is sending me the filings. And I’ve got a call into Noble Royalties to get their side of the story.



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