METRO COLUMNISTS POSITION WANTED

If you’re counting, and we are, this is Day 22 of the DMN‘s use of outdated, i.e., fraudulent mug shots of its Metro columnists. In this case, James Ragland, although Ms. Floyd and Mr. Jeffers have also been preserved in amber. Mr. Blow, Mr. Parks and Ms. Jacobson all have updates. It makes no sense.

But, look, maybe there’s a better approach. Based on the hall-of-fame awful column by Blow (current photo used) yesterday about his 6.6.06 birthday, and on the work of the other Metro pundits, I’d like to suggest that the Belo Deathstar, rightfully concerned about cost control and shrinkage, take a page from globalization and outsource the whole column thing.

Tim, Paul, Laura, Nancy, Adam and I are offering our services under contract to produce requisite replacement columns per week after the existent Metro columnists are seconded to Classified or Quick or wherever their talents are suited.

We will keep our present jobs here, of course, because obviously none of the Metro columns requires more than 20 minutes to research and type. We figure we can handle the whole thing two nights at week at the Old Monk. We’ll consider it a sort of community gift and donate our fees to Zac Crain.

As for photos, we agree to allow the paper to continue to use the ones that they are recycling now anyway. Or we’ll buy disposable cameras and send them over for developing.

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