I FEEL SO VIOLATED

A FBvian points us to a column by Steve Moore in today’s WSJ. Moore writes about diving boards being outlawed. He lives in Fairfax, VA. Did he read my story, which we published in late May? Here’s what Moore writes today:

No high board means no more “atomic” cannonballs, can openers, jack knives and watermelons, the kind of attention-grabbing dives that boys love to perform, sending a quarter of the pool’s water spraying onto unsuspecting sunbathers nearby. And no more graceful teenage girls either, performing double flips with a twist, entering the water with hardly a ripple.

Here’s what I wrote:

To unleash a serious cannonball–a super-sonic, atomic, intercontinental, bunker-busting cannonball, a cannonball whose percussive entry and mighty splash strike fear in the hearts of unwary lifeguards and sunbathing spouses alike–to do that, one requires a diving board. Preferably a high dive. … Since 1964, the city-owned Cottonwood pool in Richardson, on West Belt Line Road, with its 3-meter board, has served as a chlorinated firing range. Forty-two years of cannonballs. And can openers, preacher seats, watermelons, and flying squirrels (to depart from the munitions metaphor). Not to mention, for those who appreciate the splashless entry, jackknives, swan dives, and one-and-a-half front flips.

No? Not close enough? Then Moore writes:

As Dallas Magazine informed its readers a couple of weeks ago: “You can kiss your cannonball goodbye.”

Um, Rod? I need a hug.

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