UNOFFICIAL GAME RECAP

I picked the right day to attend a Dallas Cowboys home game. It has been 20 years since I sat in the (same) ladder-backed seats and cheered for the blue and silver. Yesterday I headed out to watch the Cowboys and Giants. With the exception of Brad Sham and Crazy Ray, all of the characters have changed. Here are some of my observations (sponsored by Lieca binoculars):

1. Levitra, an erectile dysfunction medication, is the most prominent sponsor. I know these types of meds sponsor the World Series, and other manly sporting events, but it was hard for me to sit in the stands next to a bunch of little boys as they watched players run out of a huge inflated, Levitra-branded helmet and sprint through phallic spurts of pyrotechnics before “swimming” across the field through two lines of scantily clad babes. Once the guys were all body slamming each other and the crowd was all worked up into a frenzy, the whole prop deflated in less than a minute. If it were my marketing decision, I would pump the helmet up again for the second half. Timing is everything.

2. The Tiger Marching Band from Grambling State University totally rocks hard. Well, they thrust hard. A lot. (No one on this band will ever need Levitra)

3. No so for the beer-gutted Dallas men in khakis and golf shirts who, I noticed, still spend most of the game with field glasses pointed at the cheerleaders. Ever notice that the closer you look at the cheerleaders, the less you see? IJS.

4. God bless the Grambling State drill team–every one of them has real breasts. I haven’t seen that many boobs bobbling out of control since Woodstock. How refreshing.

5. Texas Stadium is an embarrassment. As I entered the game, I traipsed through pools of water, beer, and who knows what else. The interior concrete concourse was completely flooded by half time. I can’t believe city officials allow public events to take place under such dangerous circumstances–60,000 people attempting to walk on a concrete slip-n-slide. I honestly think that the current Super Dome would be better equipped.

6. Jerry Jones’ cheek implants do not look good.

7. A Coke, excuse me, Pepsi is $5.50.

8. A Levitra tablet runs around $6.50.

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