MY FACE IS AS RED AS A BABOON’S BOTTOM

There is a breed of women in Dallas, I’ll call them the Sisters of the Immaculate Complexion, who have skin so flawless it looks airbrushed–and yet, many of them have school-aged grandchildren. These lovely old biddies are also notoriously tight-lipped about how they stay that way. Short of a Faustian bargain, I think they get all manner of things done with lasers. So yesterday, in the interest of investigative journalism, I had a laser peel. The treatment was painless, which is pretty amazing considering that the doctor is vaporizing bits of your face right off. All day yesterday, I had a bas relief polka-dotted face that was enough to scare the livestock and moved my husband to declare me a “two-bagger.” This morning, my face was vastly improved and I’m off to Amarillo to visit a friend where I will do my best not to frighten the small children of the Panhandle with my hideous visage.