THE SOUND OF DESPERATION AND FOCUS GROUPS AT WORK

An announcement in today’s Healthy Living section of the paper:

Get ready for the new Lifestyle magazines, replacing Texas Living beginning Sunday. We’ve formatted them in a size that fits your busy lifestyle. Plus you’ll still find your favorite comics and puzzles. Every day, you’ll connect with a topic that’s relevant and helpful to your daily life.

Formatted to my lifestyle! Helpful topics with which I’ll connect–daily! [sound of violent reverse peristalsis, followed by the sound of bile mixed with bits of masticated Schlotzsky’s sandwich left over from last night hitting the floor] I feel woozy.

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