If there’s a Valhalla for the fast food cheeseburgers of America, the Teriyaki Burger at Carl’s Jr. will not find its way into the hall. The Teriyaki Burger is one of the most atrociously awkward cheeseburgers in America: A sad, fibrous slice of Dole pineapple, hit with a thick Teriyaki glaze like it was on the stage at the end of Carrie, sits over a charbroiled beef patty with Swiss cheese and mayonnaise. The entire Carl’s Jr. burger hosts 1,270 mg of sodium, 660 calories, and, even in 2018, a happy little gram of trans fat. One bite in, and sodium hallucinations from the teriyaki sauce will turn random faces into LSD cats. In two Fridays, Dallas chef Joshua Harmon will fire up his version of the Carl’s Jr. biohazard at a new pop-up fast-casual dinner series.
“It’s such a gross burger to like,” he says, “I wanted to do a take on it. Ours is going to have pineapple kimchi and fish sauce caramel, but it will taste just like that burger.”
Why is he doing this? Chef Harmon, who crafted one of the best burgers of 2017 at Junction Craft Kitchen, is rebooting his smashed meat skills with house-made sauces, in-house American cheese that will turn your pupils into saucers, and a love of Hollywood blockbusters: His new spot opens on Friday, March 30, and its called the “Burger and Tots Excellent Adventure.” In other words, Harmon’s taking his Akaushi beef patty skills and topping it with the iconic films of the ‘80s and ‘90s. It’s, simply, supposed to be fun.
You could trace the origin of the idea back to the Bonanza and Welcome Back, Kotter screenings he’d have with his dad. As a teenager, Harmon fell in love with cinematography (he attended New York’s Film Academy and the Art Institute), following a quick career as a child actor. It was prelude to his love of fire and food and vinegar.
“I did that for a year and a half, but I just couldn’t stop eating,” Harmon says. The menu smashes his passions together like Terminator rapid-slugging a T-1000 (one hot dog is called “Judgement Dawg”). Another example: Harmon’s version of the Carl’s Jr. biohazard will be called “The Aloha Hand” because it’s inspired by Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
“We’re not messing around. This is going to be solid food,” he says, continuing, “I’ve always thought my food had a sense of humor.”
There’s a Back to the Future cheeseburger with hints of McDonald’s: chopped onions, scratch ketchup, mustard, and pickle discs. There will be a foot-long hot dog inspired by Neverending Story’s huggable flying canine, Falcor. There will also be tater tots, including loaded tots with pepperoni, “tons of shredded mozzarella, chives, sesame and pineapple kimchi” thanks to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The Sandlot, Gremlins, and “Escape from New Pork” make an important appearance.
“When I came up with this doing burger thing, people have been super weird about it,” says Harmon, who jetted Junction earlier this year, “They’re like, are you sure?”
A Goonies-inspired patty melt called the “Chester Copper Pate Melt” will have buttery onions, pork pâté, mushrooms and house-made Boursin cheese. There are plenty of gastropubs with intensely serious food: Harmon’s just looking to lighten up Dallas’ future with a Terminator dog or two.
Burger and Tots Excellent Adventure, 601 North Haskell. It will run from 10:30 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. (or until he runs out).
