Thursday, May 19, 2022 May 19, 2022
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Taste Test Thursdays

Taste Test Thursday: Strange Soda

Ranch dressing flavored pop, anybody?
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I love going to Super H Mart in Carrollton. The produce is fresh and inexpensive, there’s an entire aisle dedicated to kimchi, you can buy a bottle of Nigori sake for less than $10, and don’t even get me started on the free samples. I discover something new every time I visit.

A couple of weeks ago I spotted some unusually flavored pops in H Mart’s soda aisle. There was bacon and chocolate, buffalo wing, peanut butter and jelly, and even ranch dressing varieties. I gagged a little, and then loaded up my cart with the vile and carbonated bottles. I knew there had to be a way for me to convince somebody to try these, and then it hit me: a bizarre soda taste test. It’s the only way I was going to coax somebody into drinking ranch dressing flavored pop for my own, childish amusement. (Just typing that churns my stomach.)

So, for this week’s taste test, a handful of very handsome, lovely, and generous D Magazine staff members took the plunge and tasted a selection of strange sodas. Here’s what they thought.

The sodas:

A. Martian Poop
B. Fest Bourbon Cream Soda
C. Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda
D. Dublin Fru Fru Berry Soda
E. Melba’s Fixins Apple Pie

Tasting notes:

Martian Poop

  • It tastes like liquid, strawberry Pixy Stix. 8-year-old me is obsessed.
  • Quite lovely and refreshing.
  • Like someone liquified a Jolly Rancher.
  • Tastes like candy.
  • Tastes like Jell-O.
  • Robitussin.

Fest Bourbon Cream Soda

  • Very cream soda-like. Delicious!
  • A bit of root beer flavor. I like it.
  • Like a cream soda.
  • Strong cream soda vibes with this one.
  • No go.
  • Root beer.

Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda

  • I knew I would hate it from the smell alone. What is this flavor? So bad!
  • Ugh! What was that?
  • Revolting. Gross, like someone mixed soda with fluoride treatment that somebody spit out at the dentist.
  • This is pretty gross and smells like old ranch dressing.
  • Ewwww. Butter?

Dublin Fru Fru Berry Soda

  • I think this is supposed to be grape? It’s just generically sweet.
  • Almost good, but then it went bad real fast.
  • A light grape soda, not bad.
  • I can’t believe it’s not grape.
  • Tastes like grape, not half bad.
  • Grape, yummy!

Melba’s Fixins Apple Pie

  • Also gross with a weird flavor. Maybe fruity? Not a fan.
  • Not bad. Kind of medicinal.
  • Can’t identify that funky flavor, don’t like it.
  • Also pretty gross, but seems like it would mix well with something else.
  • This one is good. I’d drink it.
  • Ginger ale?

Tally up:

Martian Poop 3

Fest Bourbon Cream Soda 1

Lester’s Fixins Ranch Dressing Soda 0

Dublin Fru Fru Berry Soda 0

Melba’s Fixins Apple Pie 2

The winner is:

The florescent pink marionberry flavored soda from Rocket Fizz Soda Pop & Candy Shop won this week’s challenge. It was so popular in fact that somebody called dibs on the remaining pop, and triumphantly drank it at their desk. So what do you think of the results? Have you ever tried any of these sodas? Let us know in the comments below.

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