Dill Pickles, they’re versatile and delicious. You can slice them, fry them, stick them in a sandwich, or use their juice to chase down a shot of whiskey. There’s nothing quite like the briny zing of a dill pickle. But like most things, they come in a variety of shapes, colors and textures. There’s kosher, organic, spicy, sweet, garlic-infused, all of which flaunt the title “dill pickle.” For this week’s blind taste test, D Magazine staff tried a handful of store-bought spears. Here’s what they thought.
The pickles:
A. Mt. Olive
B. McClure’s
C. Vlasic
D. Farmer’s Garden by Vlasic
E. Rick’s Picks
Tasting notes:
Mt. Olive
- Kinda wimpy.
- Soft, a little squishy, not a huge after-taste. Very green.
- Typical pickle.
- Mild sourness, like a prop in a ’50s sitcom. This is a pickle for a picnicking couple, one that doesn’t yet know itself well enough to bicker.
- Kind of floppy, flimsy pickle. The taste is OK but it’s not my favorite.
- Vlassic? Fine.
- A little mushy texture, but nice zing to the flavor.
- Too limp.
McClure’s
- Wow, that one punched me in the tongue! I didn’t expect the spice, but I think I liked it.
- NO! Really spicy, in a bad way.
- Kick ass pickle.
- This could rival a peperoncini, but the weightiness of the pickle is only intensifying the already daredevil quality of its heat. This is a meal unto itself.
- This is a pale pickle. Wowzer! It has a kick to it, I regret taking such a big bite.
- Yikes. This is a surprise spicy pickle. No.
- Big and fat. Way spicy.
- Has a kick that creeps up on you. Too tart. Unenjoyable eating experience.
Vlasic
- Reminds me of my childhood.
- Very seedy and green. Mild.
- What on this earth is this awful vinegar garden and who is responsible for this chemical atrocity?
- Limp ass dill.
- A bit too bright and possibly too juicy. Good taste. Solid Pickle.
- This is a normal pickle. Very similar to A.
- Tastes kind of dirty. Like dirt.
- Overly pickled. Bet this is a mass-produced pickle.
Farmer’s Garden by Vlasic
- Mild, but great crunch. Kind of refreshing, actually.
- Most crunchy, medium flavor.
- Dill-icious.
- Flimsy, lackluster. An anemia of flavor and an amnesia of barely-remembered pickle-hood.
- Tastes like it came from my Mennonite relatives’ garden. Delicious.
- Very crunchy! Not too vinegary. Good.
- Very thin. Nice crunch but kind of bland.
- Crunch! The way it’s supposed to be. Classic Kosher dilly.
Rick’s Picks
- Is that clove? That’s just wrong.
- Disgusting. I don’t like it. I’m thirsty now.
- Not your typical pickle. Overly-cloved.
- Too sweet. Way too much like bread and butter (pickles). Gross.
- “Does this have ginger in it?” I ask. “Cloves, ” says a colleague. “Are you supposed to tell me that?” He shrugs. He acts as if he did not just tell me that I took a frosted, artificially scented, holiday pine needle to impale the roof of my already-suffering mouth.
- This is going to sound weird, but it tastes like a Christmas tree.
- Tastes like a sweet pickle. Nice texture.
- Perfect crispness. But is that clove that I taste? Not a true kosher dill.
Tally up:
Mt. Olive 2
McClure’s 1
Vlasic 0
Farmer’s Market by Vlasic 5
Rick’s Picks 0
The winner is:
Vlasic’s “artisan-quality” pickles dominated the taste test with five votes.