First, full disclosure. I live within walking distance of Goodfriend Beer Garden & Burger House. Accordingly, I have become acquainted with the bearded jokers who own the joint, Matt Tobin and Josh Yingling. I am in the tank for them and have written previously about how their bar/restaurant — along with its neighbors, 20 Feet Seafood Joint and Good 2 Go Taco — has changed my neighborhood. I wrote that the “trinity of gustatory hipness in a building that not long ago housed a biker bar and a hair salon whose business model included selling drugs to customers who placed their orders from an adjacent carwash [was] the impetus for openings all along the territory that lies on the sleepier side of White Rock Lake.” So not only am I enamored of the place, but I just quoted myself. You should probably ignore the rest of this post. Unless you live in East Dallas and care about earth-shattering, life-changing news. To wit:
Goodfriend, which previously did not open until 4 p.m. on any day of the week, will on February 7 open at 11 a.m. to serve lunch, Friday through Monday. [pause to accommodate orgasm] This is BREAKING NEWS exclusive to SideDish. Any forthcoming mention of the foregoing MUST, by all common JOURNALISTIC STANDARDS, credit SideDish, lest our lawyers hound you with legal stuff.
Okay, what else? Is there something else you need to know? Yes, there is something else you need to know. It is the following: shortly after Goodfriend institutes its life-changing new times of operation, it will unveil a completely revamped and totally new menu. I can’t give you any more details about this new menu because I am still suffering from an intense orgasm. If that joke offends you, then go with this: I can’t give you any more details about this new menu because I can’t give you any more details about this new menu. Yet. [shuddering remnants of orgasm]
Maybe food doesn’t stir your loins. Maybe you’re more of a businessperson. Maybe you’re wondering about the economic forces that may have impacted this very businessy change in business. Well then, I would suggest you consider one IDIOT law that hinders the way certain businesses conduct business. ONWARD.
Remember when all Dallas voters (or the majority of us) voted not long ago to make dry areas wet? I do. Except we didn’t make them wet; they became damp. Meaning, a joint in a previously dry ZIP such as 75218, like Goodfriend, can’t just sell comestibles and booze and beer in the combination that consumers cared to eat and drink and snort them. NO. Alcohol sales cannot exceed 50 percent of receipts. If they do, you lose your license to sell alcohol, and your business fails. You thought Texas was an anti-regulation, pro-business state. You were wrong!
Sorry. Got a little worked up there. Let’s continue:
A place like Goodfriend that exists in a previously dry area ain’t wet. It’s damp. Your receipts show that more than half your business is alcohol? You’re screwed. You are forced to venture into the arena of “private club,” ushering in bookkeeping and driver’s-license-swiping nightmares that hobble a business in a very anti-life, anti-business, anti-G.O.P. fashion. (I don’t affiliate with any political party, by the way. Until there exists a party whose platform-defining plank involves hops, I’m radically independent.)
So that’s one reason the Goodfriend fellas are launching a lunch. They figure lunchers will drink less beer (and booze), thereby keeping their city-changing restaurant on the favorable side of the 50-50 ratio (in the past, some months have brought them too close to that line for comfort).
I have two things to say about that: first, the laws need to change. Our neighborhood has expressed its wishes. Our neighborhood clearly loves Goodfriend (both its victuals and its daddy juice). Second, I need help. Because someone else needs to jump in and eat enough food to seesaw-balance my beer consumption.
In advance, many thanks.