Holy Cow, You Can Buy 2,000 Crystal’s Pizza Tickets for $5 Before it Closes on Sunday, Feb. 17!

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2,000 of Crystal’s Pizza tickets for sale (photo via Facebook)

I’ve never set foot inside Crystal’s Pizza, but everyone keeps telling me that it was “the sh*t.” Pardon my language. Dan Koller even emailed me and Nancy just to grieve over Crystal’s closing with a beautiful, wham bam one-liner sentence: “To Dallasites of my generation, this is a big effing deal.”

So maybe Alice Laussade wasn’t overreacting when she reported that Crystal’s Pizza is shutting its doors to fluffy childhood memories forever and ever and ever. On Sunday, February 17, to be exact. That’s when Irving becomes Crystal’s Pizza-free. (According to Liz, who calls it “that childhood house of horrors,” goodbye isn’t such a bad thing.) Anyways, I digress. The whole point of this post is to make you aware that Crystal’s is selling all of its stuff, in case you’re interested. I say “stuff” instead of “trash,” because I’m nice like that. I’m trying to give Crystal’s the benefit of the doubt. However, a Facebook post from yesterday stated that Crystal’s is selling a stack of 2,000 tickets for $5 “for those who wanted something with a Crystal’s logo on it.”

What in the world do you do with 2,000 unusable tickets? A couple of ideas come immediately to mind:

  • to use in place of toilet paper (though I can’t imagine it feeling that great)
  • for smacking a colleague where the sun don’t shine
  • as a [email protected]$$ fan in case the A/C breaks down

At least Crystal’s is being environmentally friendly by selling its…stuff. Hey, I’m all for recycling. And, yes, there will be more junk for sale in the coming days.


  • Brandon Mohon

    Where else can you go to find a movie theater playing Tom & Jerry on loop, an arcade, a coffee table aquarium, and a lounge pianist all in the same place? Crystal’s is greatness. So what if it is a chester farm.

  • Dan Jones

    “That’s when Irving becomes Crystal’s Pizza-free.” Just to clarify, the world becomes Crystal’s Pizza-free. Irving was the last location left for a chain that started, I believe, in Abilene and dotted the southern plains* from Tulsa southward. fortwortharchitecture.com has a nice writeup on the history: http://www.fortwortharchitecture.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=665

    Needless to say it left an indelible memory in the minds of most people who visited as kids.

    * and apparently Denver.