The Great Turducken Question

Sickness. (Peggy Trowbridge Filippone,

This weekend, while I was visiting Austin, my Nigerian friend asked, “What’s a turducken?”

This, of course, prompted a lively conversation inside a Korean restaurant about the pros and cons of stuffing a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey. Though I’m a happy carnivore, the thought of eating three different kinds of meat in one bite makes me want to gag. It’s foul. It’s animal overkill. Plus, this HuffPost article about an Aussie ‘Turducken Ridiculous’ (20 animals stuffed into one) is evil and gross. Think about it: if you were a turkey, would you enjoy being stuffed? Wouldn’t you prefer being savored at a Thanksgiving table alone?

According to my friend Sulamita, a turducken is not about the turkey. “No offense to the turkey,” she said, “but the chicken and duck make you better.”

A few weeks ago, when I sent out a bird call across the Twitterverse, seeking a turducken expert, one or two people answered. This guy named Freddie Mac (yes, that’s his real name) even sent me pictures of his family making a turducken. He told me to “imagine slow cooking a turkey in duck fat for 12-14 hours. You’ll never have dry turkey meat again.”

Wait, but can’t you have juicy turkey meat without stuffing other birds inside of it? Somebody help me out. I still don’t understand this repulsive turducken business.