Jonesy’s gone, but five chefs are left
In fair San Antonio, where we lay our scene.
It’s still unclear whose knife skills are best,
At least we know Ed sleeps in suits, not blue jeans.
Jump for the rest of sonnet.
ACT 1: QUICKFIRE
Padma stood in front of 80,000 pancakes (were they real??), which made a trip to IHOP look verrry tempting at the moment. But then a withered version of Pee-wee Herman showed up riding a red bicycle in his signature suit and bow tie – an ode to childhood memories – and thoughts of IHOP disappeared. The chefs made fancy schmancy pancakes for Pee-wee because they’re his favorite food. Grayson tried making a Minnie Mouse-shaped pancake, and Pee-wee (ever the nice guy) said, “That’s the best pancake I’ve ever had.” Then he repeated that same line after trying all five chefs’ pancakes, which made him the nicest judge on this planet. (Albeit, still a bit creepy.) Ed won the challenge with his burnt edges pancake, which did not look appealing in the least bit. Not at all.
Act 2: ELIMINATION
The chefs had to ride around San Antonio on red bicycles, buy their own ingredients, and bust into somebody’s kitchen to cook Pee-wee a family-style dinner that he’ll eat inside the Alamo. Sarah became a Lost Chef after getting her directions confused, but she still managed to steal Lindsay’s kitchen while Lindsay was out scavenging for… berries or something. Lindsay was pissed when her ONLY FRIEND, Sarah, betrayed her, and turned into a super witch (surprise, surprise) at the next kitchen she found. Meanwhile, inside a mansion kitchen, Ed was getting bossed around by this one dude and had to cook him two eggs over easy. Didn’t the dude know that Ed was competing on Top Chef? Wow, you just made yourself look like a douche on national television.
After all the cooking, the chefs had to bike their dishes over to the Alamo. Most impressive moment of the entire show: when Grayson balanced her chicken dish with one hand and biked with other. Hot dang.
The judges lounged inside the Alamo, tasting all the chicken dishes that the cheftestants prepared for Pee-wee. Dinner conversation sounded like an exchange between five-year-olds. We almost had to hide under a chair like Ed from all the maturity going around.
Padma: Now, when you think of the Alamo, what will you think of?
Padma: I know you are, but what am I?
Pee-wee: I’m rubber; you’re glue. Whatever bounces off me, sticks onto you.
When the judges finally remembered how old they were, out came the criticisms. Sarah’s egg salad wasn’t well-seasoned, Grayson’s runny egg-yolk chicken was too big and overwhelming (just like that Wisconsin steak), Ed’s chicken was a tad undercooked, and Paul’s roasted chicken was one of the judges’ favorites. Lindsay won even though she had the least time to cook. Then Grayson got the axe for her Texas-sized portions.
But that wasn’t the end.
Up until this point, the chefs didn’t know about Last Chance Kitchen. They learn that the eliminated chefs had been competing amongst each other in order to rejoin the cast for the finale. Next week, the winner of Last Chance Kitchen (either Bev or Grayson) will be released back into the jungle.
ACT 3: EPISODE 14 PREVIEW
A scary clip in which Paul Qui is crying and mumbling, “I’m sorry.” Is he going home next week?? You can’t kick the Texan out of Texas!