What’s Really in a Can of Whoopass?

Saturday night a few of us went to dinner at the new Knox-Henderson restaurant Horne & Dekker, where the tables centerpieces are a trio of house-labeled peas, carrots, and tomatoes. Kitschy. And useful: servers use the cans to serve the hot pizza pies. After dinner, on the way out the door, I spotted a different kind of can on a serving cart on the patio. A can of Whoopass. I blame the desserts for what happened then: the sugar high from a slice of coconut cream pie, peaches with caramel sauce and ice cream, and peanut butter buckeyes impaired my judgment, and I slipped this can of Whoopass in my purse. And then I couldn’t stop wondering, “What is really in a can of quality Whoopass?” We’re going to find out. But first, I want you to guess. It’s heavy. And it’s kind of sloshy but not too sloshy, not like peas or carrots.


  • Wes Mantooth


  • Julia

    Gotta be high fructose corn syrup in there. It’s in EVERYTHING, isn’t it?

  • macky

    I’m going spinach. Popeye…biceps…whoopass. Just sayin.

  • Hornswoggler

    Kidney beans

  • Grumpy Gus

    So do you normally walk out of a restaurant with something like salt shakers or maybe a bottle of tabasco? Or maybe leave a hotel with a robe?

    Did you get the managers blessing to lift that can of Whoopass or is someone from Horne & Dekker really going to show you what whoopass is all about? Just wondering.

  • Anon.

    C’mon, what was in the whoopass? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • mark


  • Hornes Porn and Dekkers pekker.

  • iknowshawn

    Dog Food

  • MrCook

    Nice move. Very funny. Get that sucker open!!!!

  • iroguy

    So how long have you been showing the classic symptoms of kleptomania?

  • skeptic


  • Bruce Lee

    Speaking of theives, does Horne and Dekker have permission to use my “kick ass” likeness on their cans of Whoopass?

  • ricardo

    There’s a chuck norris in the can.

  • Bruce Lee


    That’s good.

  • Might be an owner of this restaurant

    I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but it’s kittens. Sweet, adorable kittens.

  • And the answer is….?

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  • downtowner

    Actually think it’s pretty offensive that you stole from a restaurant and then pimped your theft on D’s blog for hits.