Please don’t start a conversation that way with my good friend and colleague Bill Wolff unless you mean it. You see, Bill possesses a rare but valuable trait known as empathy. When he asks you a question, he expects a thoughtful response. More important, when you ask him a question, he believes you are seeking an honest exchange. Seems simple right? Not so, unfortunately.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what empathy means over the past few weeks. The old adage of “Say what you mean and mean what you say” often falls flat. All too often we hear people say things, but do they really mean them? Throw away lines like “Hey, how are you” walk a fine line between wanting to know and not knowing how to interact with others.
Lately, I’ve found myself in the situation where I have been the recipient of a lack of empathy. For a person who values being a “real” person, it is terrible sitting on the other side of hollow words from empty souls. A suggestion: Be careful, faking is easy to see, and empathy is earned.
Living my entire professional life in the tenant representation world, you can be certain of one thing: The real stars of the business have empathy in droves. This is a true differentiator among the successful leaders of the industry. There is a reason why the best professionals in our business have had the same clients for decades. They listen, they learn, and they care about how they deliver. In short, they have empathy. In the tenant representation world, empathy is what separates the best from the rest.
In many markets, the real estate business is a somewhat of a “celebrity” business. Younger folks enter it because it’s high profile, it provides a good salary, and it seems to offer a quick pathway to growth. The problem is that they see this and think that if 150 cold calls are made per week and two or three networking events are attended, then voilà, success is a sure thing. With the right mentoring, some of this can be avoided; but some things can be taught and some are inherent. You can call and call all day long, but until the potential client sees that you care about providing value and driving a solution that works for them, you are just another commodity hawking its wares.
Caring about the value developed and delivering upon the value is essential to understanding how empathy is important to your career. You may call it professionalism—and I would agree with that, but professionalism does not ensure success. Marry professionalism with empathy, and you increase your chances.
Thinking back to my good friend Bill Wolff, to this day when I call him I begin each call with, “Good morning, Bill. How are you? Yes, I really do want to know.” It’s simple really—I do want to know.
Frank McCafferty is executive managing director at DTZ. Contact him at [email protected].
