Jerry Jones plays beer pong, too. YouTube

Arts & Entertainment

Jerry Jones, Post Malone, and the Dallas Cowboys: A Dallas Holy Trinity

It's beginning to smell a lot like Cowboys season.

Earlier this week, The Dallas Cowboys debuted their schedule release video for the upcoming 2021 season alongside Post Malone, the unofficial mascot for Dallas and America’s Team. Whether you’re a fan of Jerry World in Arlington and his domination of our surrounding suburbs, there’s no escaping his influence on the city’s culture. It’s only fitting the man behind the most valuable sports team in the world would pair with the Grapevine singer who broke (one of) Michael Jackson’s Billboard records.

The video begins with “The Postman,” a persona based on Malone’s stage name, in a Cowboys-inspired mail courier uniform. It’s dark blue, aligning with the colors proudly worn by Ezekiel Elliott and Dak Prescott, who make an appearance later on. In the upper left corner, the patriotic Cowboys star resides on Malone’s chest, complemented by an embroidered flame to emphasis “POSTY” in Cowboys blue block lettering.

As The Postman arrives at Jerry’s door, it’s locked. Until the voice of one of the most powerful men in Dallas, proclaims “I’ve been waiting” to one of his employees, who grants The Postman passage to Jerry’s World. As expected, the video’s attention diverts to his collection of NFL trophies and Hall of Fame rings, until the two men meet in this suburban office where legends are made.

“Jerry!” excludes The Postman. Jones turns away like a lovely grandfather who’s made peace with his heavily tattooed grandson. Once Jerry says “Let’s go celebrate,” The Postman’s head transforms into a series of psychedelic patterns and transitions the video into a frat boy’s wet dream.

Suddenly there is Post Malone, adorned in a blinged Cowboys hat with his namesake. Jerry transforms into the coolest suburban grandfather you’ve ever seen, championship rings on his fingers and trendy Crocs on his feet. A true fashion icon. The two engage in a playful game of beer pong, which ends with the placement of an ostentatious Cowboys chain on Jerry’s neck. Afterward, the pair make it rain cards of 2021 schedule from the second floor, which land on Zeke and Dak, who, of course, says “wow,” an ode to Malone’s Billboard charting song.

As the last of the millennials, first of Gen Z, I understand why they produced a video aimed at my generation. It’s a pop culture rebrand, composed of all the major components: relevance, young attractive players, and hip-hop. And it worked, because I played this video back to back (shoutout to Drake). Despite my personal feelings about Jerry’s history around sports activism from Black players in the past, the Dallas bird in me is genuinely excited for the upcoming season.

I’ll never forget the scream that erupted from my chest on October 11, when Dak sustained an ankle fracture-dislocation. It felt like the end of a season, even though Ezekiel soldiered on from the rest of the game with his then-new “Feed Me” tattoo. But most of us really knew to call it a day and hope for 2021 to be better.

Based on our draft picks, it’s looking like our prayers will be answered. Despite what Tom Brady said on Instagram, the Cowboys are poised to be back. I, for one, will be watching. The only thing on my mind was: did nobody call Dorrough?

Feel free to shoot me an email, Jerry or Post, my inbox will be waiting for your answer (and tickets). And because why not, here’s what our my colleagues thought of the video.

Rosin Saez, Online Dining Editor:

If you ain’t Croc’in, you ain’t rocking’, as the old TikTok adage goes. And Posty’s star-studded crocs might make the Croc stock skyrocket (JK, that was Nicky Minaj recently, as Taylor informed us this morning). Back to the video: that the magnetic front doors wouldn’t open was only slightly triggering. Haven’t we all been there? Disrespected by a door? On a food and drink note, I’m a little surprised Post’s rosé that he launched last summer wasn’t inside the plastic cups—missed opportunity! Also: Which Game of Thrones character does Jerry Jones look like and why is it one-hundred percent the Night King with his cold, icy blue eyes?
Alex Macon, Senior Digital Editor: 

If inflated marketing budgets, celebrity endorsements, and Jerry Jones being shameless—and as he ages, increasingly unsettling—translated into deep playoff runs, well, I’d be a much happier Cowboys fan. As is, I’ll have to settle for bizarre videos in which a Crocs spokesman plays beer pong with a 78-year-old man. The Cowboys are now firmly in their Imperial Decline period, in which the well-funded illusion of Past Power is used to project and in some ways even create Real Power in the present. It’s fitting that as America grows more absurd, so goes America’s Team.

But who am I kidding? I eat this stuff up. I’ve got about 10 pieces of clothing with that blue star on it. I’m wearing a hat right now. I am always, always, ready for some football. Go Cowboys.

Matt Goodman, Online Editorial Director: 

I hate how much I like this. I think it’s the sounds. The squeaky chair. The weird whooshing sound the envelope makes. It’s not quite Tim and Eric, but it has some especially strange touches from such a relatively buttoned up franchise. Plus, Beer Pong Jerry looks wonderfully grotesque, a better fit in an Aphex Twin video than dancing to George Strait with Kate Bosworth and a plastic cup of iced Johnny Walker Blue. I don’t care for Posty, but I played this thrice.

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