Wednesday, May 25, 2022 May 25, 2022
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Television

The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Smashed

"Is this her Starbucks account?"
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courtesy of Bravo

Even the best seasons of reality television fall prey to the occasional filler episode, and this RHOD episode was Filler with a capital F. After five solid episodes with unnecessarily fancy parties, Beaver Creek mansions, and beer bonging in Fort Worth, what did we even get this week? A trip to the Anger Room? When did these put-on-a-jumpsuit-and-smash-things rooms become a reality TV trope anyway? I’ve seen them several times this year. The last time was on The Bachelorette, and it included Lil Jon yelling, “Hit it with a sledgehammer, girl!” to the smooth, smooth sounds of “Turn Down For What.” Kameron throwing a small plate and limply saying, “Welcome to the simple life,” is not as fun. Although it is just as weird.

This episode serves only to take us from one big drama arch (the Adderall-shaming and making the adoption of a baby about you) to the next, which absolutely seems to be the dissolution of LeeAnne and D’Andra’s longstanding friendship. This may sound like interesting television, but we know from suffering through Carole and Bethenny on RHONY this year, it’s not. It’s really, really not.

And what is their fight even over? This episode makes it seem like it’s because LeeAnne told Cary (this season’s Deep Throat — that is, if Deep Throat just came out and was like, “IT WAS ME!” the moment anyone wondered who they were) that D’Andra only has $200 in her bank account. Ugh, we all know that’s not true. Nobody thinks that’s true. D’Andra’s hair alone is probably worth at least $600. But it does lead to the best line of the episode, delivered beautifully by Kameron: “Who in the world would even believe this rumor? Is this her Starbucks account?” Great showing from Kam. Also, can you imagine having $200 in a Starbucks account?!

But D’Andra will not let it go. She wants-slash-needs you to know that she has five bank accounts, and that LeeAnne was referring to her SHOPPING account, which she moved money out of so she wouldn’t be tempted to buy anything. Relatable!?

I don’t know. I don’t like to speculate about people’s businesses or finances when we don’t have all the information, although I do think it’s a little suspect that D’Andra is just now deciding to separate Hard Night Good Morning from Ultimate Lifestyles or whatever Dee’s company is. It’s also always going to be a little frustrating to hear about money woes from a woman who admits she grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. D’Andra is a tough hang this episode.

But D’Andra does, in my opinion, offer the most telling line about this fight. When LeeAnne, who has been getting some tough “love” from D’Andra about setting a date for her wedding (an alarmingly tan Steve Kemble does finally help lock that down while in a pre-remodel Crescent Hotel), decides to serve up some similar tough love about her friend’s business. D’Andra immediately gets frustrated and says, “You want your girlfriends to listen. You don’t want your girlfriends to lecture you. I have a mother for that.” You better believe Queen Dee is playing a tangential role in this feud between two alpha women like some sort of shoulder-padded specter of Regina George.

The bright side of D’Andra and LeeAnne’s petty feud over something is that it gives the other women some time to shine. There was the above-mentioned line from Kameron, and girl got some Sparkle Dog-digging leads at the Global Pet Expo, a real expo whose tagline is, quite boldly, “The one show to attend.” We pay a visit to Hollman’s Lockers, where Travis is launching a college initiative that will pay for tuition for all his employees, their spouses, and their children. That’s awesome. (Shameless plug: I actually wrote a profile on Travis for the upcoming issue of D CEO if you want to know more about the man and his lockers.) When Trav, who’s heading north to take a Harvard Business School course(s?), tells Stephanie she has to be a leader while he’s gone, she panics.

Steph: “When have I ever been a leader in my life?”

Travis: “You got this. It’s easy.”

As a fellow non-leader, I hardcore relate to Stephanie.

Cary doesn’t give us much this week, but she does say, “That’s an outfit,” when she sees LeeAnne inexplicably dressed up as a “safety inspector” with a mustache and the black wig version of Rick’s hair from Rick and Morty.

Brandi breaks up a super tense moment at the Anger Room “party” (which LeeAnne organizes because they all live in a “surface world”) by reminding these privileged women that she grew up on a trailer on stilts along the Mississippi River. She goes back every now and then to visit and remember when. I really do like Brandi now. Brandi, a woman who once tweeted at me that I was jealous of her. That’s where we’re at!

This Anger Room party is dumb and I don’t care for it. It’s almost as dumb as Kameron accusing Brandi of being a bad influence on D’Andra because she put that K-Cup up her butt. Guys, if you thought everyone would just be cool and chill about that K-Cup, you done thought wrong!

But this reach of a party does make the women confront the idea of their own anger. D’Andra says she’s the angriest in the group. Then she declares Kameron the angriest, which I could totally see. But everyone there is angry. All of us, everywhere, are angry. We’re all holding things in that are too complex to simply write on a plate and smash against a wall. This show typically pits one woman against another in a dark merry-go-round of petty, passive aggression, but this episode reminds us that sometimes, our biggest rival of all is just our own anger. Well that, and whomever is responsible for Cary’s testimonial look.

Until next week! Let’s all sign up for therapy, shall we?

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