Big Rich Texas was back in a big way last night. New alliances were formed, mother- daughter brawls broke out, and Whitney’s true relationship with crabs is revealed. What? Read on to find out.
The episode opens with Bonnie rolling into the Club with a headband of plastic daggers and nun chucks in her belt.
The women are gathered for a self-defense class, but there isn’t much self-defense taking place. Their moves look like something out of a Richard Simmons video, but they have a reason for being careful.
“We all have implants,” one reminds us. Yeah, because we definitely forgot that until now…..
Next we find ourselves out by the pool where mothers have gathered to drink and daughters have gathered to gossip. Cindy is interested in becoming a member, so she brings daughter Alex along to make friends. Alex sets the record straight.
“You mean dump me off while you go party,” to which Cindy seems to agree.
In walks Leslie’s son and Cindy turns into Mrs. Robinson mode faster than she can throw back a shot.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” she coos as he awkwardly stands by the pool. She acknowledges her friendship with Leslie might complicate things, but don’t worry, she has a plan.
“We may not be best friends for long,” she says, as a collective roar is heard from the cougars around the table. After the mating calls die down, Cindy invites all the women to a crab boil, but tells them to leave the drama at the Club.
Meanwhile, across the pool, the teenage daughters seem to be the lucid ones.
“OMG they’re so crazy. How old do they think they are?” they muse as the moms drink like it’s Panama City Beach spring break.
Back at Bonnie’s house, Whitney is packing for the big move with Booger and won’t have any of Bonnie’s pleas to stay.
Cut to the couch comments, where Whitney is donning fluorescent eye shadow that looks eerily similar to a traffic cone, and makes us all wonder how much she is really getting out of this esthetician school. Bonnie says she is hopeful that Whit will come back, but the traffic cone lets her know that she is “cray cray.”
Once Whit is on her way with Booger, Bonnie meets up with Leslie for drinks. Leslie lets Bonnie know that she is, like, really hurt that Bonnie didn’t stand up for her with Melissa, and Bonnie pledges to work behind the scenes to mend the relationship.
Two wannabe Hollister models approach their table and one of them probably makes Leslie’s life when he calls her “fancy.” She then admits her drink is Malibu and diet, and we are suddenly jolted back to reality from that fancy daydream.
Daylight comes and Nikki and Whitney are hitting a tennis ball in what appears to be their version of a tennis match. They mosey over to sit with the teenage daughters of the other cast mates, and bestow pearls of wisdom about when they started drinking. Nikki calls the younger girls out for their alcohol inquisition and tells them to “Do as we say but not as we do.”
Keep in mind that Nikki has been complaining the entire time about staying out too late and partying with Alex’s mom. Nothing like setting a good example for our youth.
Over at the tattoo parlor, Bonnie walks in proudly exclaiming that she made Whitney and Booger cupcakes with skulls on them.
Whitney is her over-enthusiastic self and showers her mom with affection. “My ass you made them…where’d you buy them,” she asks before Bonnie tries to keep her from getting more tattoos. Her efforts don’t get far and she heads for the hills with a cupcake in hand.
At Uptown Consignment, Leslie shows up to sell Connie some clothes. Cut to the couch cam where I want to hug Kalyn for putting up with Leslie, and high-five her for this zing of a comment.
“Even though you have enough money to buy new clothes, you’re still cheap enough to consign your old ones. Awesome,” she says.
BURN!
Leslie also enlists Connie’s help on an entire wardrobe overhaul, but she has some conditions: she doesn’t want any consignment stuff.
“I just really want to step it up. Rip wants me to be, like, the best dressed lady in Dallas,” she says.
Um, Leslie, Connie is a clothing storeowner, not Aladdin’s magic lamp. Keep dreaming.
Melissa and Bonnie make a pit stop at the salon, where Bonnie wants something a little different than Melissa’s “virgin pink” color.
“Can you like draw an animal cell on my big toe?” she asks. Seriously, TV gods, thank you for this gem. Only Botox Bonnie could go from skulls on baked goods to an anatomy pedicure.
Later on, Melissa finds herself in a field with Kalyn and Maddie discussing Kalyn’s future. Kalyn has decided she likes make-up, horses, and marine biology, because, you know, she went scuba diving one time and liked it.
I’m not too familiar with marine biology, but I do think there’s a little more to it than putting on a mask and kicking around in plastic flippers.
Back at The Verona, Kalyn is doing her best Daisy Duke pose in the mirror when Leslie walks in. Kalyn makes the big reveal that Melissa helped her get a job working a ranch.
Leslie is fuming, but Kalyn isn’t wanting to hear. She heads to the ranch where she finds herself going where no pageant queen has gone before.
“The first thing I learned is that pretty much the only thing I’m qualified to do is shovel poop,” she tells us.
Yep, that sounds about right. Welcome to the real world, honey.
Meanwhile, over in the Woodhaven Country Club dressing room, Leslie is assaulting her pigtails with hairspray when Melissa walks in the door. Leslie gets her attention.
Melissa: “I don’t want to do this, Leslie.”
Leslie: “Oh cause you don’t have an audience big enough for you?”
And then the eyes water.
Melissa: “I just don’t have the energy to do this.”
Leslie proceeds to chew Melissa out for helping Kalyn get a job, but then out of nowhere, the two women hug it out and become BFFs.
Finally the crab boil has arrived. Bonnie shows up dressed as a crab, claw gloves and all. Do her antics ever get old?
Whitney takes it upon herself to let the crab cooker know that he is being mean to the crabs. Uhhh Whit, this is a crab boil. What part about “boil” do you not understand?
Over at the bar, Nikki orders a whiskey and diet coke and then lets Cindy know that the girls were asking about alcohol. Wait a minute, isn’t this the girl that was going clubbing with Cindy at 17?
Pot, meet kettle.
The girls head to the kitchen with the moms and are insistent that they were only asking questions, but Deayanni isn’t having any excuses.
Deayanni chews Shaye out at the top of her lungs, and then backhands her across the face.
Cue commercial, and a much needed mood lifter. Bonnie and Whitney band together to save a gang of crabs from the boil and smuggle them out in a bowl.
Back to reality in the kitchen, Deayanni makes a scene and marches her girls out to the car. Then she loses it and yells, “You stupid idiot, I don’t know what the heck your problem is or when you’re going to grow up.”
Seriously? This girl is what, 15? 16? It’s a little hard to grow up when you’re learning from a mom that throws a temper tantrum like this.
Cindy runs outside and tries to help Shaye, but Deayanni peels out of the driveway before anything can be done. I’m with Cindy on this one… Deayanni went way too far.
Looks like she lost the bat wings and instead just went bat sh*t crazy.
