The episode opens at—where else?—church. (These people really need to find a country club or something.) While the minister gives the reading from Genesis 2:23 (“And Adam said this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called ‘woman’…”), Amanda’s boyfriend Luke makes a joke about boning. After the reading and the jokes, it’s time for announcements. Rip—whose accent has gone from bad to worse—announces that it’s once again time for the innerfaith barbecue tournament, wherein several church congregations and but a single synagogue come together for a cook-off. Hillside Church’s team, Braise the Lord, is comprised of only men.
The problem? Amanda’s daughter, Laura, would like to join the team but is rebuffed because smoking meat “is a male art form.” This infuriates Amanda because “it is sexist, and it sends a completely wrong message to our daughters.” So while Carlene leads a prayer, Amanda interrupts and announces the formation of the first all-female team. Unfortunately, not a lot of ladies are lining up to join the team. Most are scandalized that women would dare try to handle meat on their own. As for the few who may not be scandalized, they are distracted by the complimentary spa day that Carlene puts together for the day of the cook-off. Heather won’t join because of some dumb reason. (I really don’t like this character. Her main storyline this time was that she was reluctant to date a butcher because she doesn’t like dating men who earn less than she does. I’m sure many could argue that this is real and true, but I just feel like it’s a topic that could be treated with more derision and, well, comedy. And how much money is she really even making? I don’t like her.) Desperate, Amanda appeals to her mom, and despite some reservations (“Back in my day, a feminist was a woman who avoided the kitchen like the plague.”), Gigi signs on.
Eventually, the other women come around. Sharon joins because her stupid husband has offered up a car to the winners of the contest even though his dealership is on the brink of going under. She says she will make the sauce, but if the ladies win, she gets the car, no questions asked. Cricket, dealing with some confusion about her attraction to a new stud, is won over by Amanda’s impassioned plea about teaching her daughter the right lessons. While she doesn’t join the team, she does allow Amanda and Gigi to collect some wood—specifically, some branches from a pecan tree that sits on her property—for proper smoking. Carlene finally enlists because Rip talks down to her and dashes her dreams for her stateside Christian condo community. (Rip wants to do it in Juarez, and later even claims that God spoke to him about location, location, location.) And Heather obviously joins because she’s a joiner and the hot butcher tells her that “girls who play with fire are hot.” I am really ready for Heather to move to Arlington.
The day of the smoke-fest finally arrives. Again, I want to stress how progressive this church is. Not only are people drinking alcohol at the meat party, Amanda and her posse show up in sexy shirts emblazoned with their team name: “Spicy Racks.” I don’t think this is happening at Park Cities Baptist is all I’m saying. Mercifully, Laura doesn’t get a shirt because she’s “only 16.” Anyway, I don’t think it’ll come as any surprise to you that the Racks win.
The only other things that merit mention are the mystery unfolding in Juarez (Rip has sent Luke down there to find someone specific), and the fact that Cricket’s new paramour is the least tan man on the show. How long can it last? (Both his fairness and the story arc.)
Making meat and wood puns is exhausting. Until next week!
