Big Rich Texas Recap, Episode 9 (4/15/12): Boobs, Plastic, and “Bonnie-Plasty”

Thankfully, Style Network got the hint. “Bonnie-Plasty” was much better than last week’s snooze fest.

We start at The Elbow Room where Hannah is celebrating her last night in Dallas before heading back to California. Since Jason took Whitney’s car away for smoking cigarettes, Whitney somehow thinks it’s ok to take his truck out for a night of drinking. Her outlook on life and how she always gets her way is just astonishing.

Side note:  Is anyone else falling in love with Whitney’s dad, Jason? He is a singular voice of reason in the show. He’s smart, hilarious, and is a total sweetheart to Bonnie.

Whitney still lives at home because her parents buy her everything. No, I didn’t make that up.

Jason: This is typical Whitney. I don’t know when you’re going to wake up and understand this. I took her car away from her, so she takes mine?

Bonnie: But you didn’t specifically take the other cars away from her.

Hold up, Bonnie. The “cool mom” thing can only drag on for too long. You have got to get Whitney under control or kick her out. She’s 24. It’s time to let go.

Dr. A advised Bonnie to wait on the nose job, but she listens to the advice of other women and schedules the rhinoplasty with another doctor.  Smart.

Whitney slept over at Hannah’s house, so it’s now been almost a full 24 hours since she took the car without permission.

Pam: What’s your favorite hangover food?

Whitney: Nothing.

Pam: Starvation?

Whitney: Absolutely…. (eats from cheese plate on counter)

Leslie visits Connie at Uptown Consignment, where they diagnose Pam as a “sociopath.” Trust me, Leslie looked it up online, and Pam has all the symptoms. It’s science. Leslie is going to host a “Bling it On” event to gain some respect within the FASHIONISTAs. Bedazzling is tacky, Leslie. But then again, so is most of the clothing the cast members wear.

There’s a throw down when Bonnie comes home from her consultation to see Whitney on the couch.

B: Where have you been? You’re going to go 24 hours without answering our calls after you’ve taken our car?

W: I got wasted.

B: If you’re gonna live in my house you have to follow my rules.

W: Well, your rules are stupid.

I would have been kicked to curb if I ever thought about speaking to my mom like that. This is just getting ridiculous. Bonnie tells her she needs to be out of the house by the end of the month, and Whitney flips her off. Cringe. Whitney is the laziest person I’ve ever seen, yet she manages to muster up the strength to make a call to Hannah to let her know she’s coming to California. Be my guest, Whitney.

 Hannah: Sure! Come on out to California, I’ll pick you up from the airport!

Click.

Plot hole warning: Hannah, you might need to know her flight details. Or maybe when she’s coming.

Leslie proposes her bling idea to the FASHIONISTAs at an event for real diamonds. Maybe you should have given more thought to that, Les. That’s like wearing a fake Louis Vuitton to a designer purse party. Poor Leslie is extremely nervous, but Heidi is open to take a look at the products. Leeanne offers to co-chair the event with Leslie after taking a look at some of the items including lingerie, an iPad, and a guitar.

Whitney and Hannah have drinks in Beverly Hills. They “cheers” to being roommates, boobs, and Los Angeles. Classy Dallas ladies makin’ us proud, as usual. Seeing that she’s in the plastic surgery capital of the world, Whitney decides to have a consultation for her boob job. She tells the surgeon that she wants “porn star boobies,” but he advises her to go smaller due to her body type. She plans on using her mom’s credit card for the surgery. “She’ll get over it.” Ouch. Hannah needs to be a better friend and tell Whitney to be a better person. They can get better together. It would be transformative.

Back in Dallas, Bonnie waits for her double whammy. She decides to “knock out” some laser treatment while she’s under anesthesia for her nose job. That’s gonna hurt.

She misses Whitney a lot and cries a little before Jason assures her that Whitney is OK. “She’s like a cat, she’s got 9 lives.” Please, no.

Pam and Melissa catch up over drinks and gossip like bratty preteens. You’d think that women who have raised children would behave like adults. But you’d be wrong.

Bonnie is back home after surgery, and it is terrifying. That’s really all I can say about that. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Pam is not happy that Whitney is living with Hannah on her dime, and she wants Whitney to leave. Hannah refuses and hangs up on her. What is with these ungrateful young women treating their moms like dirt?

Bonnie’s face is getting a little better, if better means turning orange and peeling.

It’s the night of the bling event. This party drama is just getting ridiculous. Connie apologizes to Pam for overreacting at the trunk show. Pam calls Leslie a tacky whore and says “go to Hell” during her welcome speech. I mean, these are grown women, right?

Melissa and Pam try to convince Leeanne that Leslie is an “effin’ fraud, tryin’ to infiltrate my peeps.” Again, look out, grown women here. They are screaming and yelling at each other at this party. Everyone is staring. It makes me feel awkward. I am ashamed that women like this live in my city.

Pam shows up in California to scare Whitney off. The season finale airs in two weeks, and I can only imagine what Pam has up her sleeve for that.

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