|illustration by Tyson Smith|
Team Cancers in Dallas Sports History: A Retrospective
by Zac Crain
Adam “Pacman” Jones
Pacman didn’t perform very well on the field, but at least he didn’t make his coach look like a giddy hillbilly. Okay, well, at least he didn’t get into a fight with his bodyguard. Okay, well, at least he gave the Joule hotel some free publicity.
Pros: one American League MVP award (2003), 156 home runs.
Cons: one payroll-killing contract, the unadulterated hatred of everyone on the team, most of the fans, and Tom Hicks’ CFO.
Mark Cuban brought Rodman to town for a playoff push in 2000. In 29 days with the team, he played 12 games, was ejected twice, suspended for one game, paid $13,500 in fines, and was openly critical of teammates, the coaching staff, and Cuban. The Mavs did not make the playoffs.
Avery’s brief tenure with the Stars could only have gone worse if
Elisha Cuthbert dated Marty Turco. Or if Avery had previously dated
Willa Ford. Or if we’d put our reputation on the line with a lengthy profile on him prior to the season.
As Rick James once noted, “Cocaine is a helluva drug.”
If Owens contained any more cancer-causing agents, Angela Hunt would try to ban him from local bars.