Yes, from a structural standpoint, there are worse parking lots in Dallas—lots where shoddy construction and years of neglect have led to asphalt potholes large enough to turn an ankle, pop a tire, or hide a body. And certainly there are parking lots whose purpose (convenience and proximity to venue) are less than ideal. For instance, if you find yourself in any lot with alphanumeric markings higher than F-6, get ready for a hike.

But when it comes to layout, location, and ease of use, the worst parking lot has to be Lincoln Park, that strip of concrete that separates useful retail and restaurant spots such as Barnes & Noble, Tom Thumb, Blue Mesa, and more from the always-busy thoroughfare Northwest Highway. The configuration is just all wrong. The main access point—made worse, not better, by a traffic light at Northwest Highway—clogs faster than a fat man’s artery. Once motorists are on the parking lot proper, maneuverability is a joke. A long, painful, unfunny joke. The lanes are too narrow, and free spots are scarce. SUVs vie for any space available, “Compact Only” warnings be damned. Woe to anyone hoping to get in and out in less than half an hour with any sanity, patience, or regard for fellow mankind intact.

Lincoln Park, you’re almost bad enough for us to want to valet.