Dear diary: I totally have a secret to tell you. Unless I’m mistaken,
Mayor Laura Miller and I are going steady. Oh, my God! Just writing
those words makes my insides feel all funny, like my duodenum is doing
herkies.
It happened in New York City. We jetted up there for a
weekend together in late February. You know, to see the sights and take
in a Broadway show. Officially, of course, Laura was there with the
Dallas Convention and Visitors Bureau to drum up business for the city.
And, technically, I was a guest of the CVB. They invited me up for a
cocktail party featuring food prepared by Kent Rathbun from Abacus. But
why would the CVB fly me all the way to New York and put me up in a
fancy hotel just to eat the same lobster shooters I can get, like, 10
blocks from the office? Because Laura made them do it, that’s why. I
mean, she signed the invitation.
On the day in New York before
the cocktail party, I could hardly wait to see Laura. I passed the time
sitting in a chair in the Nicole Miller shop in SoHo while my wife
tried on dresses. Ugh!
When it was finally time to go the party,
in a ballroom at the Westin where we were staying, I was so nervous.
But I felt much better after a few gin and tonics. Then I saw Laura.
But her husband was with her. He’s totally short. I forget his name. He
used to be in the government or something. So, at first, I had to talk
to this meeting planner that I met from Philadelphia. We talked about
how the crime rate in Dallas has gone way up and about how the police
chief had been fired for all those fake drugs and about how the former
head of the CVB had been fired for taking all those guys to strip clubs.
At one point, the meeting planner from Philadelphia goes, “So why, again, are you here?” And I just went, “Because I love these lobster shooters!” It was awesome.
Okay, so but finally,
Laura’s short husband went to get some more canapés, and I got to talk
to her. It was just the two of us. And my wife. And Phillip Jones, the
new head of the CVB.
My hands were all sweaty, but we shook
anyway. “Mayor Miller,” I said, “I owe you two apologies. The last time
I spoke with you on the phone, I accidentally called you ’sir.’ I’m
sorry for that.” I was totally flirting!
Laura laughed, took my
chin in her hand, and told me how handsome I looked in a suit. I swear
I am not making this up! (I was wearing my brown Bill Blass.) I have
met Laura in person exactly three times. And she has touched my face
twice. That’s 67 percent of the time, if you round up! Anyway, she said
not to worry about the “sir” thing and asked me what the other apology
was for. I said I was sorry for telling a bunch of people that her new
house cost $4.5 million.
She said, “Don’t worry. I’m a politician. I have to act like Christ and turn the other cheek.”
And I said, “This coming from a Jew?”
It was so funny! We were totally
clicking! When you find the right person, you can tell right away, even
if she’s Jewish and you’re Catholic. It’s this mutual feeling that you
both feel. You know? And it’s so easy to talk, especially if you’ve
both been drinking.
Then we all left the hotel and went to see Bernadette Peters in Gypsy,
right? And I couldn’t sit next to Laura because our seats weren’t
together. Spouses and all. And the show was awesome, but all I could
think about was Laura. That and how the old CVB guy got fired for
taking guys to strip joints in Dallas, and how Phillip took us to see a
Broadway musical about a stripper.
Okay, so but here’s the best part: back at the Westin ballroom for dessert and a reception with the cast of Gypsy,
I got to talk to Laura again. We both totally agreed that the show was
awesome. And then Laura goes, “Are you going to write something nice
about this trip?” For some reason, I noticed her CVB lapel pin, which
said, with a red exclamation point: “Dallas!” I don’t know what I was
thinking. I just blurted out, “If I had a lapel pin like yours, I guess
I’d have to.”
And that’s when Laura pinned me.
Okay. Gotta go. O.C.
