Throughout the years, countless clients have expressed their stress and exhaustion when it comes to meeting new people. It seems most of us find meeting new people difficult — if not impossible. I realized a while back that this was directly related to our upbringings. When we’re young, our parents and our schools teach us to not talk to strangers and we grow up with that in our minds. We are told that strangers are dangerous and we should stay away. The crux of our problems is this — we’ve been told to beware of new people, but in order to grow, learn, and love, we must trust them.
This is one of the reasons that I believe dating sites have become such a phenomenon. When we’re in public, we keep to ourselves which makes us feel alone and like we haven’t met anyone. When we turn to online dating services to make introductions, the natural authentic approach disappears. Because of our need to control the situation, we’ve homogenized the entire dating system which causes great stress and strain in the long run.
Putting yourself out there and meeting new people may feel odd and stressful in the beginning, but it will pay off in the end. Meeting new people, sharing life stories, information, and learning is awesome in its own right. Take the stranger danger out of the equation, obviously using your head when it comes to meeting people. In the beginning might feel uncomfortable, you may step on a rock, but after a little practice you’ll get used to it.
Letting go of social anxiety and meeting new people begins with you jumping in. Stop worrying if you’ll say the right thing. Remember most people are in the same boat. When we realize by not talking to “strangers” and taking the initiative, we’re missing out on opportunities, we begin to wonder why we’ve created this social shell. Earlier this week, a client asked me the 411 to meeting people. I told him this: Don’t overthink it, allow things to happen, realize you’re not alone, understand others are stressed too and come with the same fears.
Ashley Berges is a Dallas-based life coach, family therapist, and syndicated radio talk show host of Perspectives with Ashley Berges, which can be heard on 570 AM KLIF and 660AM KKSY. She has written three books; her most recent is The 10-Day Challenge to Live Your True Life. Visit her website atwww.ashleyberges.com.
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