Tuesday, April 23, 2024 Apr 23, 2024
60° F Dallas, TX
Menu
Image

One brand, four magazines.

Enjoy unlimited access to all of our incredible journalism, in print and digital.
Subscribe Now
Advertisement
Local News

Rick Perry Has a Plan For North Korea

By |
Image

Hey, Chuck -- you got a sec?
“Hey, Chuck — you got a sec?”
"Anything for you, RP."
“Anything for you, RP.”
(muffled) "Fantastic. Now, as you know--"
(muffled) “Fantastic. Now, as you know–“
"Why are you covering your mouth?"
“Why are you covering your mouth?”
"Because I'm saying secret stuff, Chuckwagon. Anyway, as you know, North Korea has declared war on Texas."
“Because I’m saying secret stuff, Chuckwagon. Anyway, as you know, North Korea has declared war on Texas.”
"That seems like a pretty broad take on the situation, Ricky."
“That seems like a pretty broad take on the situation, Ricky.”
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought *I* was the President of Texas. I didn't realize you had take n my place. I guess I'll collect belt buckles and sudoku books and clear on out."
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought *I* was the President of Texas. I didn’t realize you had taken my place. I guess I’ll collect my belt buckles and sudoku books and clear on out.”
"OK, OK, fine. Continue."
“OK, OK — fine. Jeez. Continue.”
(muffled) "Anyway, like I was saying. North Korea's got it out for us, Chucktaw. So, what I need is for you to go over there and Delta Force that situation. Or Delta Force 2 or Lone Wolf McQuade. Whatever. It's up to you."
(muffled) “Anyway, like I was saying. North Korea’s got it out for us, Chucktaw. So, what I need is for you to go over there and Delta Force that situation. Or Delta Force 2 or Lone Wolf McQuade. Whatever. It’s up to you.”
"You, uh, know those are just movies, right Ricky? I'm just an actor. I can't go over there and command a strike force."
“You, uh, know those are just movies, right Ricky? I’m just an actor. I can’t go over there and command a strike force.”
"..."
“…”
"Ha, just messing with you. I'm GTG."
“Ha, just messing with you. I’m GTG.”
"GTG?"
“GTG?”
" 'Good to go.' Sorry, just watched Bachelorette last night on Netflix. Trying to work that into my rotation."
” ‘Good to go.’ Sorry, just watched Bachelorette last night on Netflix. Trying to work that into my rotation.”
(muffled) "Ah, ok. I'll put that on my Instant Queue. Anyway, let's meet your team. Fellas?"
(muffled) “Ah, ok. I’ll put that on my Instant Queue. Anyway, let’s meet your team. Fellas?”
"Reporting for duty, sir!"
“Reporting for duty, sir!”
(muffled) "Glenn?"
(muffled) “Glenn?”
"I told you, I'm sick, man."
“I told you, I’m sick, man.”
"GLENN, GET YOUR GEAR ON AND GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW."
“JESUS CARVING A CHRISTMAS TURKEY, GLENN. GET YOUR GEAR ON AND GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW.”
"OK, fine. I'm ready."
“Okkkkkkkkkk, fine. I’m ready.”
"And, of course, you know the last member of the team. Say hi, Griff!"
“And, of course, you know the last member of the team. Say hi, Griff!”
"Hey, guys."
“Hey, guys.”
(muffled) "So, what do you think, Chuckleberry? I'm code-naming you boys The Expendables."
(muffled) “So, what do you think, Chuckleberry? I’m code-naming you boys The Expendables.”
"The what?"
“The what?”
"Simmer down. It's just a name."
“Dang it, Griff — make sure seat backs and tray tables are in an upright and locked position. It’s just a GD name.”
"Anyway, troops, I got to skedaddle. Thor here needs to shake the dew off his lily and I've got my krav maga after that. Sing me out of here, Chuck Stop."
“Anyway, troops, I got to skedaddle. Thor here needs to shake the dew off his lily and I’ve got my krav maga after that. Let’s finish with our theme song, Chuck Stop.”
"It’s cold beer country/110 in the shade/An iced tea won’t cut it/And neither will lemonade/I need a cold Budweiser on a bar stool/And a jukebox by my dear/Singing cold beer country/Cause it’s cold beer country round here"
“It’s cold beer country/110 in the shade/An iced tea won’t cut it/And neither will lemonade/I need a cold Budweiser on a bar stool/And a jukebox by my dear/Singing cold beer country/Cause it’s cold beer country round here!!!!”

Related Articles

Image
Business

New CEOs Appointed at Texas Women’s Foundation and Dallas Area Habitat for Humanity

Plus: Former OpTic Gaming CEO Adam Rymer finds new e-sports post, Lynn Pinker Hurst & Schwegmann hires former Mary Kay chief legal officer, and more.
By and
Local News

Leading Off (4/23/24)

Rough start for your Dallas Stars.
By
Image
Arts & Entertainment

Dallas College is Celebrating Student Work for Arts Month

The school will be providing students from a variety of programs a platform to share their work during its inaugural Design Week and a photography showcase at the Hilton Anatole.
By Austin Zook
Advertisement