Tux Challenge Day 31: — 30 —

I discovered two things on this, the final day of the Great Tuxedo Challenge of 2012, brought to you by Patron XO Cafe, with special help from Al’s Formal Wear: 1) Patron XO Cafe works well in coffee. I’m not sure why it took me this long to try that particular concoction. It’s like an Irish coffee, only more Mexican. And 2) Al’s Formal Wear can hook you up with a Texas flag vest-and-tie combo. It’s a good thing this discovery came so late in the game, because I feel certain if Zac had known about it earlier, he would have made me wear the Texas stuff for the entire month. Not that I don’t love Texas with all my heart. It’s just that — well, you understand.

You know, if you ask any guy who writes, especially a guy who tries to write funny, if he’s honest, he’ll tell you — wait that’s the wrong speech. Hang on.

Thanks to Zac for coming up with the challenge and stringing it together. You’re still not getting a piggyback ride to the parking garage.

Thanks to Patron XO Cafe for sponsoring the whole thing and for being the wind beneath my wings.

Thanks to Al’s Formal Wear for the tuxedos, especially the one I destroyed while crawling under my house. My apologies again, in advance, for destroying one of the cuff links.

Thanks to Lord baby Jesus, lying there in your ghost manger, just looking at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learning about shapes and colors, for making the second half of August unseasonably cool.

Thanks to my wife and children for putting up with me at home. I promise that, sans tuxedo, my mood will improve. But, you know, it wouldn’t hurt if you kids would stop getting punishment essays at school for misbehavior. And, also, dear wife, stop punching me when I snore. I’m not doing it on purpose to make you angry. I swear.

Thanks to the anonymous benefactor for paying for the reward tuxedo. Believe me, sir, you will pay.

And thanks to all you alert FrontBurnervians out there for suffering through this challenge with me. I hope it didn’t drag on too long, and I hope you found at least a few of the dispatches mildly amusing.