If you’re a fan of the show Louie, then you probably saw the episode a few weeks back wherein Louie goes on a date with Parker Posey’s character. You can read about it on Salon, but it was a strange date. At one point, they’re on the roof of a tall building, and Posey flirts with the edge, which freaks out Louie. He asks her to step back. She tells him not to worry. You see, she says, part of you wants to jump to your death, and that’s why the edge of the building scares you, but I don’t want to kill myself, so it doesn’t scare me. Words to that effect.
I don’t know if that’s why I, too, am driven nervous by heights. It’s an interesting theory. I can tell you that I’ve peered over the edge of a tall building before and thought, “Just a nudge. That’s all it would take.” Similarly, I have a friend who isn’t comfortable around running garbage disposals. It would be so easy to stick your hand in there. I know that feeling, too.
That’s the way I felt this morning when I woke up and began to get dressed. I saw a pair of jeans hanging in my closet and had a twinge of panic. Screw the tuxedo. I could button up those blue bitches, throw on a comfy t-shirt, and stroll in to work feeling loose and free. Just undo 28 days of hard work and suffering. It would be so easy.
Then I got a grip. No way could I let down Patron XO Cafe and the nearly 800 store locations of Al’s Formal Wear. So I grabbed my cummerbund and strapped it on tight.