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The delightful Ada Brown, who is the Dallas board member on the Public Safety Commission, invited me to lunch after I ran this post on the incompetence and mismanagement of its DMV. We had a wonderful chat because she is a wonderful person. Unfortunately, I came away with the impression that the Commission members have no idea what is going on under their noses.

For example, Ms. Brown had no idea that Governor Mitch Daniels had reduced average wait times at the Indiana DMV to 6 minutes and 20 seconds. She had no idea what the wait times at Texas DMV locations is. She asked me for a list of other states where DMVs had improved performance. I replied that if Director Steve McCaw had not provided the Commission with a best practices survey and benchmarks for measuring the Texas DMV against them, he should be fired. She told me she hoped the new Garland Super Center would relieve wait times in Dallas. I asked her on what evidence her hopes were based. She replied that the DPS had done a study. If the DPS had done a study, I asked, why didn’t she know the average wait times. She replied that they had reported the average wait times to get to the information desk, but not how long it took after that to be served. I raised my eyebrows.

This is not rocket science. The problem has already been solved. All the Commission has to do is adapt the solutions to Texas. What makes this so hard?

I’ll tell you what makes this so hard. Steve McCay, the director foisted on the Commission by Rick Perry, is a lifetime law enforcement careerist. He likes chasing bad guys. He doesn’t know anything about bad systems or how to fix them. The Commission itself is at fault. As far as I can tell, its members are nothing more than wallpaper decorating the director’s office.

If you are not moving, your weekend is already better than mine. Here’s a list of all the fun I won’t be having.

Friday

Tonight, Savor Dallas continues with the Arts District booze hop. Go from the Nasher, the Dallas Museum of Art, and the Meyerson, and the Winspear while trying various wines, beers, and spirits, and eating some snacks. Potentially, I could squeeze this in if I treat it like an extended walk from the office to my parking garage. (Actually, this is a great idea.)

Post stroll, I urge you to check out Second Thought Theatre’s production of The Midwest Trilogy, a collection of three loosely connected stories written by Texas Theatre partner Eric Steele and inspired by the American Heartland. It’s two short films, capped by a play (Bob Birdnow’s Remarkable Tale of Human Survival and the Transcendence of Self, last year’s FIT Fest success, with the wonderful Barry Nash reprising the title role and Lee Trull again directing). I reviewed it here for FrontRow, and then we thought about other directors and filmmakers who dig the Midwest and its people. Bonus films to Netflix: Hoosiers, Footloose, The Music Man, Nurse Betty, Splendor in the Grass, 8 Mile.

A couple of possibly disconnected morning thoughts via twitter this morning:

Jason Roberts Hits the Big Time. How do you know when you’ve arrived in this digital age? When someone makes a spoof account for you on Twitter. The latest person to get this treatment is congressional candidate Jason Roberts. My other favorite fake account? Fake Dan Beebe. If you are on Twitter, are a Big 12 fan at all and enjoy laughing, you should follow that one, too. You’re welcome.

Romney Visits Texas, Endorses, Gets Endorsed. Mittens Gromit Romney came to Dallas on Wednesday for a private fundraiser. Then he endorsed Jason Villalba in the House District 114 Republican primary, but not Craig James, who did not kill five hookers while at SMU.  Then Thursday former President George H.W. Bush endorsed Romney in Houston, and wore periwinkle socks.

Former 635 Traffic Gets the Royal Treatment. So Interstate 635 is a complete hot mess, and nobody wants to drive on it. So where do they go? Royal Lane, much to the chagrin of people who actually live around Royal Lane.

North Texas Municipal Water District Lifts Water Restrictions. Lake levels are higher, so the NTMWD has agreed to lift water restrictions for customers to Stage 3, which means they can water once a week, as opposed to the once every two weeks it has been. So go water your grass, people, so it can turn brown by the end of June.

How’s our old co-worker Eric Celeste doing in Atlanta? I’m glad you asked.

Awhile back, I pointed you to a study the Atlanta Journal-Constitution did on cheating on standardized tests across the country. The AJC found 196 districts — including DISD and more than a dozen other North Texas districts — with data that strongly suggested hanky-panky. Just hang on there, Eric says. In a 2,000-word post to his paper’s blog, he explains how the AJC blew it. Sample:

The paper knew [it was overstating how many districts were cheating and that the data used to arrive at its conclusions were] deeply flawed and decided to publish anyway, because it didn’t have the time, resources, or desire to dive deeper into these numbers. I say this based on conversations I’ve had with school administrators, detailed responses by the districts themselves, and an expert who advised the paper and told it specifically why these numbers were not only wrong, but irresponsible to publish. In fact, I’m more certain of my conclusions than you should be of the notion the AJC‘s report indicates widespread cheating on the level the story asserts.

Eric says that an expert hired to help the AJC parse the data was astonished that the paper prematurely published the story.

No more astonished than Jon Dahlander, the public information officer for the Dallas Independent School District. On Friday in the afternoon, he received a call from the AJC, alerting him that Dallas’ school system was flagged in the AJC report. He was not asked to respond, but was told the report was going up over the weekend, so he was asked for his cellphone number in case the paper wanted to follow up on Sunday. (I guess to, I dunno, ask “How did THAT nutkick feel?”) He did find an email address for a reporter at the paper so he could quickly give some sort of response. He says two hours later he received a call from NBC Nightly News, asking him to respond to the report.

“Respond?” he said. “I haven’t even seen it.”

How did NBC Nightly News see it? Because the paper had apparently hired a TV marketing firm, A-1 Broadcast, to pimp the project.

You know, reading all this carefully reported, well-written copy on an important topic, it almost makes me wish that I hadn’t fired Eric.

I can’t even… There’s just no… Ugh. This.

I’ve talked a little about the playwright Tom Stoppard on this blog before. My favorite of his works, The Real Thing, starts previews today at Stage West in Fort Worth.

But a close second, Arcadia, end its run this weekend at the University of Dallas. I love this play not in the least because it starts off with a precocious young woman inquiring about “carnal embrace.” Her tutor, Septimus Hodge, first attempts to define it as “the practice of throwing one’s arms around a side of beef.” Stoppard is so smart and clever, and the slippery wordplay, rather than coming off as intellectual and inaccessible, belies a passion that practically steams up off the page. I’ve read Arcadia many more times than I’ve seen it produced, and I confess that I haven’t seen this particular production. But the play alone is worth the investment of your time.

If you’re thinking about Easter, head over to SideDish and peruse the places accepting brunch reservations. And then consider tickets to the Dallas Symphony Orchestra’s interpretation of St. Matthew’s Passion. Johann Sebastian Bach was so moved by the Gospel of Matthew’s account of the Messiah that he set two chapters of it to music. It was intended for Good Friday services, and so serves as a dramatic reminder of the passion for mankind that led to Christ’s suffering and death. Jaap van Zweden conducts, and the first concert is tonight at the Meyerson.

Finally, for people who enjoy physical fitness, a new pilates studio opens up in the Park Cities, co-owned by Highland Park resident Laurie Gatlin. You can see what BodyBar has to offer tonight at a grand opening party that includes a DJ and raw food and juice samples. If you like what you see, you can try a week of classes for free.

For more to do this evening, go here.

A co-worker and I were just discussing the fun story about whether Augusta National will finally be forced to allow a woman to join (don’t hold your breath). Got me wondering how many Dallasites belong. Here are the three I can think of: T. Boone Pickens, Tom Hicks, Harold Simmons. I’m sure the FrontBurner Nation has a name or two to add. Go!

What does the CEO’s resignation mean for the AT&T Performing Arts Center? Find out on FrontRow.

Here is a little something that Zac and I put together for the back page of the April issue, the entire contents of which do not automatically go online. We gave it the same headline you see on this post and offered no other explanation. See if you can figure out who on this list called because h/she was upset about his/her made-up quote.

Jean Baptiste Adoue Jr. (mayor 1951—1953): “Being the mayor of Dallas is like being one of the best tennis players in the state of Texas in 1915. It’s okay, but you won’t impress anyone from New York.”

Dwaine Caraway (2011): “Being the mayor of Dallas is like being Will Smith in I Am Legend. You’re a badass. You can drive any car on the street. You have your pick, whichever one you want. The keys are in the ignition. Jaguar, Escalade, maybe even one of those Smart cars, just to mix it up. You can haul ass down every street because there aren’t any cops, and you can shoot antelope and tigers and everything with an M16 right out the window as you drive. It’s a total rush. Except then one day everyone comes back, and they’re like, ‘Gimme my damn car.’ And your wife tries to stab you.”

Margaret Hunt Hill Bridge Is a Blank Canvas for Graffiti Artists. As you know, the MHH Bridge opens today to traffic. But the city is worried about vandals, and, to a lesser extent, terrorists. Graffiti artists have already tagged the ramps leading to the bridge. A visible police presence and cameras on the bridge are attempts to lessen the chances of any damage to the bridge. I give it a week.

DISD Teachers Sends Letter to TEA, Placed on Leave. Elliot Monteverde-Torres can’t figure out why he was placed on paid administrative leave. All the Felix G. Botell Elementary teacher did was send a letter to TEA alleging that the school he works for has a staff that doesn’t do its job and violates the law. He cited examples of a student being shot in the arm with a BB gun; misuse of federal funds; and possession of prescription drugs. The TEA has asked for a response from DISD by April 20.

Woman Uses Stolen ID To Get Job at a Bank. I’m betting Bank of America is going to step up its screening process of applicants after this situation. A woman stole an ID and used that ID (and Social Security number) to get a job at a Plano Bank of America. The police were about to close in on her when she left the temporary position.