Politics & Government

A Recap of Rick Perry’s Debate Performance

What was the name of that dang third agency again?

"I will tell you, it is three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the -- "
“I will tell you, it is three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the –“
"Let’s see. Commerce and … Education and …"
“Commerce … and Education …and –“
" -- what’s the third one there? Let’s see.”
” — what’s the third one there? Ah, hell.”
"EPA?"
“EPA?”
"Naw, it was Commerce and ... and Commerce and ..."
“Heh, naw, it was Commerce and … and Commerce and … and … and …”
"Yes, Commerce and Education and ..."
“Yes, Commerce and Education and …”
"..."
“…”
"..."
“…”
"... and Commerce ..."
“… and Commerce …”
"Heh, well this is sort of embarrassing. I mean, I've done some embarrassing things in my day. Senior year at A&M, I switched the part in my hair for a whole semester. Man! I see those photos now and I just want to hide in a closet. Also, some folks still call me Crotch, which I guess isn't that awesome."
“Heh, well this is sort of embarrassing. I mean, I’ve done some embarrassing things in my day. Senior year at A&M, I switched the part in my hair for a whole semester. Man! I see those photos now and I just want to hide in a closet. Also, some folks still call me Crotch, which I’ve been told isn’t that awesome.”
"I swear to gosh I had this down earlier. I made up a song so I'd remember. It's like a, what do they call it? A Johnny Mnemonic dealie. Well, I mean, I didn't make up the song, exactly. It was 'Amarillo By Morning," by George Strait. I just changed up some of the words. Been singing the dang thing all day."
“I swear to gosh I had this down earlier. I made up a song so I’d remember. It’s like a, what do they call it? A Johnny Mnemonic dealie. Well, I mean, I didn’t make up the song, exactly. It was ‘Amarillo By Morning,” by Mr. George Strait. I just changed up some of the words. Been singing the dang thing all day. Let’s see…”
(singing) "Amarillo by mornin' / Up from San Antone / Everything that I got / Is just what I've got on/ When that sun is high in that Texas sky, I'll be buckin' at the county fair / Amarillo by mornin' / Amarillo I'll be there."
(singing) “Amarillo by mornin’ / Up from San Antone / Everything that I got / Is just what I’ve got on/ When that sun is high in that Texas sky, I’ll be buckin’ at the county fair / Amarillo by mornin’ / Amarillo I’ll be there.”
"Ah jiminy cricket crap! I forgot to change the GD words! Son of a -- wait, would you guys accept 'Amarillo'?"
“Ah jiminy cricket crap! I forgot to change the GD words! Son of a — wait, would you guys accept ‘Amarillo’?”
"..."
“…”
"Eh, didn't think so."
“Eh, didn’t think so. Worth a shot.”
"Great song, though, am I right or am I right? Come on, Jimmy. Give me some. Right up here, buddy. Ready for a hand hug."
“Great song, though, am I right or am I right? Come on, Jimmy. Give me some. Right up here, buddy. Ready for a hand hug.”
"NO! NO NO NO! YOU FINISH THE QUESTION RIGHT NOW!"
“NO! NO NO NO! YOU FINISH THE QUESTION RIGHT NOW!”
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy now. You're at an 8, hoss. Need to see you at about a 4. OK? OK. Come on, Ricky. Come on. Commerce and ..."
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy now. You’re at an 8, hoss. Need to see you at about a 4. OK? OK. Come on, Ricky. Come on. Commerce and …”
"..."
“…”
"Agriculture?"
“Agriculture?”
"FTC?"
“FTC?”
"Baseball?"
“Baseball?”
"Homeland?"
“Homeland?”
"Postal Service?"
“Postal Service?”
"CATS!"
“CATS!”
"No...”
“No…”
Interior?"
“Interior?”
"CIA?"
“CIA?”
"FDA?"
“FDA?”
"Education?"
“Education?”
"I already said that one, Troy. (softly) Crud."
“I already said that one, Troy. (softly) Crud.”
"Ah, screw it. Beer me, Chuck Norris."
“Ah, screw it. Beer me, Chuck Norris.”
"...beer?"
“…beer?”
"Jesus Christ Cartographer. Yes, Chuck, I meant get the Chard."
“Jesus Christ Cartographer. Yes, Chuck, I meant get the Chard.”
"Screw it. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

Comments

  • yeah…um

    YES!

  • Emily

    This may be my favorite one of these yet. Excellent job.

  • amanda

    I lost it at the Burger King mascot. Never. Gets. Old.

  • The ghost of Obi-Wan is where I lost it.

  • Long Memory

    Adios, mofo.

  • Helen Lovejoy

    We need a Department of Amarillo.

  • RAB

    Beer me, Chuck Norris!

    That should be a bumper sticker.

  • smeyers

    the pics of Perry looking befuddled are the best! He and Bush should have a befuddlement staring contest, they are both at their best w/ that look.

  • Bruce

    Zac. Bravo. These debates have been unwatchable but at least I know I can count on you for the true recap.

  • Died act the Troy pic.

    This is the first one I have finished. I think the beer was crucial.

  • mike

    Aggie!

  • Had Chuck Norris been there he could have actually saved Rick Perry.

    So…. Sad…..

  • All of these posts should be repurposed into a commemorative paperback. If only you knew someone in the publishing business.

  • It’s like Zac Crain built a little Rick Perry world for us all to enjoy. And yes, D Magazine should publish a special edition of these photo comics. Beer me, Chuck Norris.

  • Jennifer Hayes

    Have been in a funk for days. This pulled me out of it. Haven’t laughed this much in a long time. I’m with Tim – Obi-Wan…