I’m kidding with the headline, of course. Jay Jerrier, owner of the burgeoning Cane Rosso chain (Fairview?!), doesn’t hate children. He detests them. That’s the only possible explanation for his move to shut down the fountain at his White Rock shop and fill it with dirt and poisonous plants (at least I imagine that they are poisonous). Jerrier announced the death of the fountain yesterday on Facebook. (Teresa Gubbins was on it.) It seems that the fountain gave children too much joy for Jerrier’s comfort. They wandered away from their parents to splash and frolic in it. Throw rocks in it. See how much of it they could absorb with their diapers. So much fun! Awhile back, Jerrier tried to kill the good time with a nasty sign. It didn’t work. So, as I say, he filled it all in with dirt.
But here’s the thing, people: I live not far from that restaurant. And as you can see from the link to Jerrier’s name, I’ve spent some time with the grouchy, old man. As a result of those two facts, I happened to visit the White Rock location one day in May 2013 before it opened. The guy who built the fountain was hard at work, tiling the entire thing with pennies. But neither Jerrier nor this fountain fellow had bothered to put pencil to paper before the project started, so it came as a surprise when they realized exactly how many pennies they’d need. I went out to my car and brought back, like, 50 from my change holder to help out. Eventually, it took about $500 worth of pennies to tile the fountain.
You see where I’m going with this. There’s gold in them there hills. Or, rather, copper under all that dirt. Or zinc. Whatever. It’s money! Parents, just tell your children that there’s $500 buried under all those plants. That’ll keep the li’l buggers busy for hours while you get boozy without a care in the world.