What Would Happen if Women Opened Restaurants With Male Body Parts as Themes

‘Scuse me while I saddle up my high horse. Am I the only woman who is concerned about the sudden surge in Breastaurants. I mean really 35 additional Twin Peaks? A bar opening in downtown called The Spread Eagle? Seriously boys? How would you like to take your daughter into one of the restaurant’s the gals in our office just conceptualized. We call them Peteries.

Hunky Town, Twin Pricks, Tooter’s, Pecker’s Hot Italian Sausage, Tube Steak Junction, Cake Balls to the Walls, Nuts and Butts, Quickies, Long Dong Silver, Tally Whacker’s, Love Mussels, Wee Willie’s, Twig and Berries.

Ladies, the floor is open.


  • Tr

    would these be operated by Side Dish LLP?

  • nickss16

    You can open all the male-themed restaurants you want… I won’t go there, but who am I to judge how other people spend their time / money. I’ve never understood why women get so up-in-arms about this issue.

  • Scagnetti

    Nancy, please keep us abreast of any new developments on this topic.

  • Todd

    1. i wouldn’t take my daughter, just as i didn’t take her to hooter’s et. al.

    2. if ya’ll wanna look at a bunch of pene and scrote while eating lunch, who am i to judge?

  • not touching this one with a 10 foot pole…

  • James

    If you do open a Peterie I have a great idea on how you can serve the onion rings!

  • Jeff

    Well, you’d be guaranteed a healthy gay following! What ever happened to the great American tradition of having a sense of humor? We’ve become much too concerned about being politically correct that we’ve forgotten how to have fun.

  • CB

    Big Johnson’s Hot & Spicy

  • Miguel

    Hey everyone, don’t forget to vote for “The Most Beautiful Women in Dallas.”

  • Chris

    Is it just me, or is Velvet Taco the first Vag-staurant?

  • I think that’d be pretty funny, but straight men would be too scared to go in. How about The Cock and Kettle, Wong Dong Grill, Big Dicks, Tea Baggers English Pub, and finally Nutruckers

  • Gastrognome

    How about

    1. Howard’s Johnson

  • Miguel, I hear you loud and clear.

  • Kat

    Hilarious! When did everyone become so sensitive?
    @jonfromtjs & james, you BOTH have me laughing out loud. In a day full of heat, earthquakes and hurricanes…this was a welcome relief of humor I needed.
    Thanks Nancy.

  • Chris

    Go ahead and open a male themed one. I’m sure it will attract the same sad sexually starved males the Breastaurants attract, just the female version. What to call the Peteries is the best part – The Tent Pole, Pants Peak, Twin Pecs, Shaft.

    Chris – Pink Taco in Los Angeles was the first but Velvet Taco is a good candidate for first in Dallas.

  • this all goes back to the phenomenon that Wanda Sykes jokes about in her stand up routine.

    Men are visual. Strip clubs have lunch specials so men can take 20 min and go “look at it.”

    Wanda is a lesbian. She likes the same body parts. but she has zero interest in going to “look at it.”

    Open up a Petery. As Jeff says, you’ll get a mostly gay male clientelle. Its not a hetero thing. its a male thing. we’re visually stimulated simpletons.

  • Amy S

    Weiners R Us, Food Erection(catering), Dick Pho King.

  • Jeffrey Weiss

    If you haven’t checked to see if URLs are available for the best of those, you are missing a bet. I could *totally* see Quickies or Love Mussels as the core of a restaurant concept. Quickies would be fast food, duh. Maybe a hot dog joint? With entertaining names for the dishes. And interestingly shaped containers for the condiments…Love Mussels is, of course, seafood. Playing off the aphrodisiac reputation of raw bar? Tooter’s may run into copyright issues…1:-{)> Now, who’s got a business plan?

  • joeat

    This is hilarious. Where and why has all this hidden humor been? Way to go Nancy!!

  • JS

    To capitalize on the dessert craze, I would open an ice cream/sundae shop called Exploding Bananas.

  • marisa

    How about the “teenie Weenie”?

  • TLS

    Well, I would call my place “Packages” and then organize the menu around small packages and large packages. No one would ever order the small packages which would then allow me to keep my kitchen crew lean and my food costs low.

  • vinny

    Regardless of what women may think, if men didn’t enjoy the food (and beer) at these breast joints, they wouldn’t go. It’s not difficult to see breasts and more these days. So, it’s still about the food. That joint on Lemmon (I forgot what is was called) failed because the food sucked, the girls were pretty hot.

  • Fannie Farmer

    I’d order the Fromunda Cheese Dip from Twig and Berries.

  • This is one of my favorite Daily Show interviews – and it fits this thread like a . . . , well, whatever. http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-june-27-2006/box-lunch

  • Jon Battle

    I like “In n Out”….it offends all sexes 🙂

  • Kat

    @Brooks, you just took it over the top for me. Super funny!
    @Jon, best one all day.

  • Holy crap, you guys are good. I have so many I can’t print! Thanks for playing.

  • Vinny, I can’t think of the place you are talking about…

  • Shanna

    OMG Nancy! You are killing me! Those restaurant names are hilarious!

  • Women don’t spend money on food and sports bar. Peckers was a huge flop

    Good luck w that

  • 31858060

    The Flaccid Cock – Home of the Viagratini

  • Andrew Chalk

    Vinny: Honey Shack?

    In general: Dickie’s beat this thread by several years. Though I have heard it said that they are hard to appreciate.

    Nancy: If you extend this competition to blogs the DMN can rename itself “The Flaccid Organ”.

  • Andrew Chalk

    Funny, I named a well-known Dallas BBQ chain and the thought police of D replaced it with asterisks. How about D-i-c-k-i-e-‘-s. Will that beat the censors.

  • unclekrud
  • Pingback: Q&A: What do Italian women think of American men?()

  • OK unclekrud here it comes, so to speak:

    NASCAR themed – Pole Position

    Golf themed – FORE. Calamari is their specialty.

    English Pub – The Baby Arms

    Burger Joint – Maypole and Rooter.

  • Rob

    @Chris Rusty Taco was the first Dallas candidate

  • p jordan

    Someone told me The Velvet Taco (newly opened on Henderson) was code for the most intimate part of the female anatomy. Really.

  • Carol B.

    Too funny, great stuff!! In Tyler there is a huge scandal over Double D’s Bar & Grill opening up to replace the old El Chico. The bible totin’, scripture quotin’ folks around here are in a tizzy. Especially since this place will share a parking lot with Toys R Us. God forbid our children see young ladies in daisy dukes and crop tops. If this place opens, the whole town is going to hell, I’m tellin you. Funny thing is, they haven’t figured out that just because it’s opening doesn’t mean you have to go there. I could really send these people over the edge if I went to the courthouse and filled out a DBA for Twin Pricks or Long Dong Silvers or any other of the clever names you suggested. Gotta go I’m headed to the courthouse!! You may hear about me on the 6pm news, haha.

  • A Velvet Taco is a purse?

  • cockfails

  • Gastrognome

    For Breakfast,you could go to the International House of Mancakes. They have giant sausage links.

  • Peter

    The answer is pretty simple: From a perspective of what we consider palatable in western society, male genitals are far more offensive than boobs.

    Boobs are already everywhere. Magazine covers, stuff in bikini tops, peeking out from deep v-neck tops at clubs.

    Where do we see male genitals? Nowhere. Except for those terribly embarrassing truck nuts.

  • RonWash4Prez

    There is a lil HOT SPOT next to the Grapevine Bar on Maple called Quickies. Highly recommended.

  • Kris

    Isn’t PD Johnson’s a peterie?

  • “Big Eye Johnson”

  • downtown_worker

    Dick’s Last Resort

  • Daniel

    “Peckers was a huge flop” = best line of the thread.

    Anyway, for what it’s worth, breasts are not the analog of a penis. The equivalent to a Peterie (A+ on that one, BTW) would be something like Lou’s Labial Lounge or Aunt Vulva’s Tex-Mex or Cleo’s Clitoral Hood. (Where you’ll always get your cervix with a smile!) Wow, female parts have more parts. Y’ever notice?

    But seriously: Do you honestly think we men would go to a place like that? And is there anybody out there who’s interested in an investment opportunity?

  • TLS

    OMG, Daniel.

  • Daniel, Peterie is the category like Breastaurants. And your a boy so you can tell me breasts aren’t the analog of a penis. Our premise (am I really typing this) was to name restaurants after boy’s parts. And no I don’t think men would go to a Twin Pricks because this is all a made up scenario and a fun way to waste time. If there was money to made in Peteries, it would be being made.

    Off topic: I hate the taco names. I can NOT bring myself to order a Dirty Sanchez at TOrcheys and EVEN I am embarrassed to see people order them for their kids.

  • Daniel

    Nancy, I got the premise. Sorry if I sounded hostile, I was just being goofy. Insofar as I had a point, it was that breasts are innocuous compared to the genitalia of either gender. Certainly they’re more sanitary.

    Which brings us to taco names: Totally with you. Sexual humor can be okay up to a point, but scatalogical humor? In a restaurant?

  • No Daniel. I got your goofiness guess you didn’t get mine! thanks for playing.