In preparation for the very last episode of The Bachelor that I ever plan to watch, I did some research. According to Us Weekly, Sean Lowe said, “I want someone who’s selfless and who worries about other people, not just themselves. On top of that, I just want someone cool.” Well, to the surprise of no one—other than possibly Lindsay—the Born-Again Virgin proposed to Catherine. And they’ll live happily ever after being selfless and cool (probably in a home filled with furniture). At least until Dancing with the Stars begins taping. Sorry. I have nothing left.